Ler's scream a little

Blogger's been acting like a hoe with the clap......bitch and non-functioning. So sorry about the space between the posts.


All of this moving stuff is like bogging me down. It's a lot to do by myself. A lot. Eh. I'll manage it somehow.

I miss Andrew. If I have to sleep by myself too many nights in a row, I get to be a cranky bitch. That's sleeping in general though. Like if my mom went to bed at a decent time, I'd sleep in there and be fine.

When I dreamed of moving out of my parents' (Mother's really) house, I imagined two scenarios: 1) Moving in with a gay roommate or 2) With a guy I was seriously in love with that was committed to me. Honestly 2 would only pop up in daydreams. If I was thinking practically, I'd have said number 1. Or maybe moving in with Stephen. And....I'm moving in with Andrew. It's not what I expected out of my life at this point. It's different and that makes it weird. I feel like a Navy wife because I have to pull all of this shit together. By myself. Boo.

I need to sleep I have a shitload of stuff to do over the next two days.

Holy Shit

I'm so behind in my school work. I CAN NOT afford to fuck up English this semester; it's my last chance. So I'm going to get off of here and just really grind out all of this shit. It's just. Oh God. There's so much to do. Just so much.

Cut and paste from Myspace

This has truly been the longest weekend of my life. It started Thursday. It was such a great day. I got my credit card in the mail, which means that I can cover a lot of needed expenses until my first check comes in. Because I definitely got a job Thursday. So, earlier in the day, I got a call from Andrew asking me to take him back to base (he was at the boat). He called me back to say he got a ride and that he wanted to see a movie. I said ok let me go take my math test and we'll go. So I go take my test despite not being in class the week before for the notes. I think I did well on it. Anyway, I get to base and Andrew's like half asleep. Him and I both get an interesting phone call and then we go. We saw Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and it was good. Before we left, I said when we get back we'll clean up some and wash some things so you can pack your seabag. Because NOTHING was done. Well Fantastic Four was longer than we expected and it was relatively late when we got back. So it was all like let's eat, throw some clothes in the wash and get up VERY VERY early to pack the seabag. Apparently Andrew had some more interesting phone calls in store for him. No sleepy sleep until 2 am. We sleep. It's hot as fuck so it wasn't good sleep but it was sleep. Then at 3 am, three knuckleheads came busting in through the window. Drinking isn't just for weekends anymore. After we (Andrew, his roommate, and I) clear the drunken idiots out of the room we all try to go back to sleep.

Andrew was supposed to be on the boat at 7:30am. Yeah, he didn't get up until then. Because he was up so late and because the subject matter of the calls earlier in the night were upsetting, he had a HUGE migraine. Like he could barely move. So I got the clothes out of the dryer (some time between the calls and the drunken surprise I put the clothes in the dryer) and folded them while he was in the shower. I figured it would help him wake up. No such luck. So he lied on the bed and "helped" me pack his seabag by telling me how much to pack of what. So we go to the boat. And I go home and shower. And turn around to go get him. Then I go babysit. That house.....wow. Lots of animals. Lots of smelly, not cleaned recently animals. I love pets as much as the next person but I also like cleanliness. Whether or not I go back there to babysit remains to be seen. But then I go back to base and we chill out. The three of us (Drew's roommate Marcus came too) went to the NEX to get stuff like soap and junk for Drew to take out as well as a XBox 360. We then went back to the room and passed out.

Ta-Da!!!!!!!!! It is Satuday. I get up at the ass-crack of dawn and go get Becca. We then go to Wal-Mart to buy me some clothes. Because I showered but put on Friday's clothes because I had nothing else. So I bought two changes of clothes and a bathing suit. We then go and get Drew and just like I suspected he isn't ready. A video game waylaid him. I changed and he got up and we went to Pocahontas Pancakes and Waffles. We laughed and cracked jokes about sausage and pancakes and all manners of things. Then we skated from 11th street to the Neptune statue and back. Then we went swimming in the ocean. The two white people (Becca and Drew) balked at the water being cold while I, the chick with the relaxer, strolled in. We frolicked, we fell, we almost drowned. Becca almost floated away. Then we dug up crabs and played in the sand. Then we went back to base and showered. After that it was off to Cinema Cafe to see Evan Almighty. It was funny. Then we dropped Becca off at her sleepover. We're almost to base and I pull over and heave. My stomach is CHURNING. I felt BAD. I figure ok I'll nap and then get up and drive home. No such luck. My nose was running from sniffing cigarette smoke all weekend and I had the worst post-nasal drip ever. It kept making me gag. And heave. Dry heaves are no fun. So I kept waking up and falling asleep. I didn't fall completely asleep until 1am. By that I'd decided no driving for me.

I woke up at 9am. And I tried to sit up. I promptly fell back down. Too dizzy to see straight. Which made me mad. Because I was going to go to the beach. But I cancelled to go to church. And then I was just stuck laying down trying not to puke. Not fun at all. But I felt a lot better after I sent Andrew to Subway. Well not sent. Persuaded to go is better. Yes that's what I'll say. After all I'm no diva, I don't "command" anything. No matter what anybody says. So after that, there is much cleaning and packing that SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE FRIDAY!!!!!. *cough* I dropped him off at the pier and then I went to my new job. I had a nice dinner there and then I came home at 9:30pm. I have laundry to do and school work. But I chose to write this instead. And now I'm done. And I'm going to sleep for at least two days straight. In AC. With no drunk people or gamers anywhere. Just me sleeping. It'll be great.


Ok some additional stuff.

• Still no period. But I have a credit card now so we shall see what's what. I really would like to think it's stress from the family shit.
• I'm not doing the live in position because it makes me uncomfortable. That and Andrew needs to move out of the barracks ASAP to start collecting BAH. So he asked and I said yes and we'll be roomies.
• I feel really weird about that.
  

Finally, a turnaround

A great job oppourtunity has come up. It pays 8.10 an hour and can turn into a live in position in August which is when I need to move out.

On the other hand, still no period yet. And no money for a pregnancy test. I have an appointment either the 13th or 16th....but that's a bit long to wait. I've felt like shit lately. The heat is ridiculous. Just straight up awful.

Things that stress me out

I made a list at work to try and get an idea of what I can change and what I can work on. Here it is. The list is in no particular order. Just how they came to my head.

• Andrew visiting Kelly for a week out of the blue
• prom expenses
• having fun @ prom
• money in general (bills, tuition, gifts)
• keeping my job
• losing weight
• Dad's health
• graduation
• Dad's temper
• my health
• strokes
• Andrew going camping w/ Melissa
• buying a new car
• moving out
• Stephen moving out for the summer
• Becca cutting
• taking summer classes
• passing summer classes
• Dad's spending habits
• Andrew's injuries
• the car I drive now
• health/car insurance
• getting to know Nick
• Devin's wedding in August
• my 18th B-day

It's kinda long.

Jobless and ok with it

Rest assured people. I have interviews next week. I know I spend WAY too much to jobless for long. But it's going to be ok for the amount of time that I am. I was just tired of being shit on for absolutely nothing. If I'm going to be working full time, I should have SOMETHING to show for it. And I have nothing because I was getting nothing from Kat but grief. I'm not even going to speak on that. All I will say is you can't expect kids to listen to someone you belittle. And you should have the balls to say it to that person's face. Farm Fresh is a whole nother load of shit. You WILL NOT accuse me of faking being sick in front of customers when I have just thrown up. If I can't transfer to another location then I'm quitting. I had them take me off the schedule until Jamie gets back to me about the status of my transfer. So I might as well not work there.

I have to learn to consistently stick up for myself. It's more than a little fucked up that that is the lesson I'm learning at 17.

I want....

1. a boy who will love me and only me. Who will be satisfied with me just the way I am but rejoice when I get better and be firm and supportive when I backslide. Who's good and unselfish in bed. Who won't tell me how hot he finds other girls because he respects my feelings.
   
2. a father who doesn't yell at me for making the simplest mistakes. Who loves me as I am not as I should be. Who isn't afraid to say I love you.
3. a better looking, better running car.
   
4. a nicer brother.
5. a mother who has more in common with me. Who doesn't think that talking to me is a waste of time.
   
6. better grades.
7. more money.
8. more friends.
   
9. a different high school.
10. things to be the way they used to be about 5 years ago.
    

Damn I want a lot. No wonder I'm always disappointed.

Christmas Goodies

I bought myself a camera and a case for it. I also bought myself a headset for my phone. I might get myself some shoes after I get paid. I can't wait to start nannying. I'm gonna be so paid it's gonna be fantabulously sick. Woohoo!!!!!

100 thoughts about college

I think it's quite fitting that my 100th post (yes it is the 100th) is about college. Especially since I honestly do have about 100 thoughts in my head racing around about college. I've made a few decisions and finally started applying. (I know, I know. I finally got off my lazy ass. Trust and believe my momma is dancing harder than all yall.) I know I want to work with kids, but I'm not sure exactly how I want to work with them. So I'm applying to a few colleges in big cities and majoring in either Sociology or Child Development/Psychology and then working with children in the area until I'm sure what I wanna do. Then I'd just get into a graduate program for that. The list of lucky schools is as follows.

• New York University
• University of California San Diego campus
• University of Minnesota Twin Cities campus
• Old Dominion University

ODU is my fallback. I might apply to JMU or another VA college. We'll see after the college visit. I'm deathly afraid of not finishing these applications on time. Whoever wrote these damn things is a sick, twisted bastard. But it's ok. It's all ok. I'm excited and yet nervous at the same time. But at least I'm no longer apathetic about it. I'm still a bit depressed but I'm trying to ignore it since my friends aren't all that helpful. I'm just going to push through it.

Maybe...

I'm not as sick of the status quo as I like to think that I am. After all, if I were, I'd like to think I would have changed it by now. So, I guess I'm quite complacent and I just don't know it.

I have been reassured of something recently so that's good I guess. It's good to be aware of stuff. Also it makes it easier to share things with you guys. You three lone people. I haven't met anyone through this particular blog. I do tons of things that should result in stables of new friends and I still end up lonely. Cause apparently I'm a bitch. But if being honest makes me a bitch then I'm not changing for anyone. Cause I enjoy being a bitch. So yeah. Suck it.

There's this cute guy. His name is Brandon. I wasn't upfront with him and so he's not speaking to me. And I'm saddened by this because he was cute and funny and really easy to talk to. I haven't known him very long at all, but based on our few conversations, I really want to get to know him better. And I fucked that up. Much like I fuck up everything else.

I've made an important college decision. I'm going to get an apartment and go straight to work. To allow myself and my mother to save up more money so she can get some bills paid up. We were in no way shape or form prepared for a rainy day such as this. A couple of thousand dollars worth of bills got slammed on my mother from hidden credit cards my father got. So I'm just going to wait.

Take care of me for a change

I need money.
I don't have it.
I suppose I'm overly generous when I can't afford to be. And I can't seem to control my spending. I'm eating out all of the time when I don't absolutely have to. Why this is I don't know. But I'm just going to sit tight because something always comes through for me when I least expect it. Although I doubt it will happen now.
My check is small because I didn't work the first week of school. So my whole check is going to hair and nails for my senior pics. Because I honestly don't see the point of spending money to take the pictures if I look like shit. Well, sloppy shit. No matter what I do I'm going to look like shit regardless. But I'd like to look like well put together shit.
Fuck it whatever. I just need about 50 dollars to save my ass so I can pull everything together. And I don't have it and I know I'm not going to get it. Because I rarely get anything.

First Week in Review

So there was some minor drama which I will share which will explain why I'm just now blogging and why I'm blogging each day.

Tuesday: The very first day. I looked cute. Pulled together and sophisticated. My father got confused about what time we were supposed to be at school, got agitated and fell. I came home and my laptop screen was destroyed. Magically of course cause he didn't do it and no one else was home. I started off my classes, which this semester are:

• Anatomy
• AP Government
• Freshman Composition 111
• Probability and Statistics

Not bad classes and not bad teachers. I got wet earlier in the day and was freezing the rest of the day because the ac is on full blast in all the rooms but I managed to stay awake until fourth block. (math) I practically passed out and that was that. Got home and Dad was grumpy but I was just whatever about it. Not the laptop but his attitude. I had one of my own.

Wednesday: Started off right at home was a little late. The deep fryer (one of them anyway) in the cafeteria caught on fire, so thank God I bought a wrap at WaWa for lunch on the way to school. I hate PB&J, which was the alternative since the stove weren't in commission. I stayed awake all day and I got school supplies afterwards. In between the end of class and school supplies at friendly Wal-Mart, I dropped my laptop off to have the screen replaced. My mother paid for it but I'm still displeased as it has to be sent off and is going to take 1-2 weeks minimum to get that screen replaced. I got a pink Tinkerbell backpack and got home at like midnight. Mom and I were silly in Wal-Mart and it was SOOO much fun.

Thursday: Normal day. Had an SCA Homecoming Dance Committee meeting after school which was a pain because I swear the chairperson has set ideas in her head and they don't really work for the kids we have at River. But it's whatever. I mailed off cards that I bought at Wal-Mart yesterday today so we'll see the outcome of them soon. And I'll blog about it.

Moving in a good direction

So I'm looking at schools and with family being the way it is and everything else (money!! or lack thereof) ODU is looking like a pretty good option. It'd be pretty cool if Stever and I ended up going to the same college. Because then we'd share an apartment. And it'd be really cool. And good for the both of us. Like, I can see it. Trying to figure out which mother's house will get graced with our prescence(sp?) for Sunday dinner. Eating breakfast in front of the tv watching music videos. Just being our own kind of two person family. With our significant others tossed in if they exist. We've got each other for friends, so we'll be okay if we're single. But it would just be awesome. I can't wait. Really can't wait. Here's to hoping.

I am victorious

So I got my phone.

Every biweekly paycheck for the next two months (that's four checks) I will pay my mother $94 for my insurance. That's like a drop in my check. I also have to start paying for my gas, but I get tips when I work, people like to randomly gift me and I babysit. So it's not going to be that much of an issue. I've got money in the bank, money in my savings, and money in my wallet. Brent and Stella aren't all that bad to sit for. They pay well and they make sure their kids are taken care of. My mom thinks I will run at the drop of a hat. Because she thinks I'm flaky. I like proving her wrong. I'm determined as all motherfuckin' get out. Just not about what she wants me to be. I have my own priorities. Oddly enough, I'm my own person. Imagine that shit.

Update on the Fast and the phone

I'm still hanging in there!!! I went to 7-11, where's all this tasty fattening food, and I left with nothing but the Slurpee for my dad that I went there for. I was so proud of myself. I started the fast at 1 am, so I'm about 17 hours into it. I'm really really proud of myself. Nothing but water. I didn't get to the gym but I did do some yard work(picked a few weeds and cleaned out my car). So I figure it's ok. I might do some crunches in a little bit.

I worked out something with my mother. I can get the phone I want and stay on the family plan and keep my number if I

1. pay for the phone itself.
2. pay for my car insurance.
3. chart my mileage whenever I take my brother and dad somewhere so she only pays for that gas.
   

My insurance is paid up for six months because that's the way insurance is paid for. So I have to pay her for insurance that's already been purchased. (Jun-Dec) It's not that bad, it's only $64 a month. I'm going to be at Sonic for a few weeks longer than I thought. But oh well it's all good. The phone I want is not only nifty because of the extras it offers but because it's built for heavy use. Which is what my phone gets.

I have to babysit again tonight. She called today asking me to sit because she forgot she asked me to last night. Wow. A bit trippy much?

Fuck..

..is my favorite word in the English language.

I forgot to mention I baby-sat last night. (As I write this it is Saturday morning.) Interesting couple. They're new off of Craigslist. Put it like this, if one of them chooses to overuse alcohol and the other one chooses to overuse anti-depressants, that's not my business. So what if they've never heard of dishwashing or sweeping? As long as they pay me I don't care. I'm 32 dollars richer than before. Which is good.