Gigantic Leap

I think I took one earlier. Not totally sure. We shall see won't we?


This moving thing is FUCKING crazy. I mean totally insane. Andrew is insane. He's driving me crazy. But he's Andrew and so I'll let it go. I'm such a fuckin' punk bitch.


I know no one will answer this, but could I get a comment or an email if you read and/or suscribe? It doesn't matter if you think I'm mad at you, I still want to know. I'm trying to get an idea of my audience. I'm thinking about writing another blog. I'll fill you all in on the subject matter later.

My Blogaversary

It's tomorrow. I almost missed it. That would have sucked to be sure. I'm glad I was riffling through archives and checking dates.

Celebrate with comments?

So I'm lying here crying...

The past can be a hurtful thing. Not mean hurtful but sad. The past can be so so sad.

I had a blog on Blogger before, but due to certain people getting involved in things I hid it and just stopped writing there. I wrote a companion blog to it with backstory on some of the important folks in my life. My writing before my dad's stroke and after is so completely different. I hate to think that I'm the kind of person that lets every little life change turn her for the worse. Anyway I went and read the companion blog and it's just sad how there are some great people who are no longer in my life now. And some of those people have hurt me so bad. And some of those others, well I've just fucked up those relationships beyond compare. I hate that.

The Blogging Bug has bit me something fierce

For some reason I feel like blogging more lately. I guess it's stemming from a need to blog for myself and not so I can touch other people with my words. Not that reaching other people is bad, but I just.....I'm writing for myself. That's all I can say to describe it. I'm really tired of being lonely. I hope one day to find someone to love me. I have so much love in my heart to give. So much. You'd be surprised I think. Really surprised. I'm watching Holiday Heart. It's such a heartwarming movie. I feel a little inspired now. Like maybe I can lift my head up.

Oops!!

I forgot two things.
First, the song I posted in the blog titled .... is a song by the band Everclear.
Second, or more like first actually, I've started another blog just for my essays.

Here's the link: http//writingsonthewallessays.blogspot.com

It would mean something to me if you all could read and give me some feedback.

Come on, cut me some slack

I screw up sometimes. I'm not even going to lie. But I mean really. Am I not human? I am. And I'm ok with that.

Had a minor snafu with the car. I just have to learn to apply more caution to my driving. A little more caution and a little less speed.

I'm writing a story. Do I know the ending already? Yes. I don't really know how I'm going to get there though. But I'm sure I can figure it out. It'll be interesting to journey with this book. I'm going to have to warn myself to cut me some slack though. I tend to be overly critical of myself at times and that's never good. I'm not sure why I'm that way. It could be because I'm always striving to be good enough for someone. I wouldn't have to always do this if I wasn't always attaching my emotions to people that are never going to find me adequate because they don't care about me enough to look for any good. I'm talking about people like "Mary". And a few other people. I'm not important to some folks that are important to me. That shouldn't be but it is. So I'm stuck with what I've got.

It's not all that bad though right? Right. I have a besty that rocks. I'm going to be ok. I don't know when but I will. Hopefully before I croak. Cause that would be fucked up. To find my happy and then die? Ugh.

I had forgotten....

I've always loved to write. I've been told I'm quite good. But just now I re-realized how much I liked to write. Lately, everything has become a chore for me. Just another thing to do. I feel inspired all of a sudden. I might write up some short stories. Post them in a blog. I don't know. But it doesn't matter, as long as I do it for myself. I need to start that up again. Doing things for myself. Simply for pleasure.