GRRRR, Shit, Fuck, and let us not forget Damn

So Blogger still hasn't fixed the fuck up and I'm mad about it. I changed the address here, because it occured to me that HIS girlfriend, with her myspace stalking ways could very well have the address. While I doubt she could identify who HE is, I don't like risks. So I changed it. I can't leave a post at my old address or even put this blog back there cause apparently it's still in use. If you go there, you'll see all the posts I had before I switched to Blogger beta. So yeah. It's still fucked up and I'm a little angry about that.

I was supposed to go bowling last night with HIM and his friend and instead I spent the night here and we had sex a couple times. I love having sex with HIM. I feel good about the fact that fucking a fat slob like myself doesn't completely make him throw up. What kills me is the fact that he withdraws afterwards. HE says that we have sex because it makes me happy and he likes making me happy. I love that, but I hate knowing that I made him angry at himself. I like when he holds me and when he can't or won't, it's a little upsetting. It makes me feel so used when he puts himself like on the other side of the room. But then again I should be used to this with HIM by now. That's always been our M.O. Gah. I'm over everything at this point.

I've been having minor anxiety attacks all week. Needless to say, it's put a lot of stress on my system. I could throw up right now and it wouldn't surprise me. A lot of things don't surprise me anymore and I think that's fucked up. I'm so damn old to be so young. Every now and again I scan my label list to see what seems to be in the forefront of my life at that point. Depression is ALWAYS at the top of that list. How gay is that? Incredibly gay.

I was going to write more but a) this is a really long post, b) no one else read this because I have charged the url, and c) A wave of blah just hit me and I no longer feel like making words into sentences.