Worry expresses herself as an argument/Whoa Nelly I can be a bitch
| Below is a conversation that I had with Nick. Whoa. All I can say is whoa. Well I can say more than that. I can always say more. I like to talk. I'm a headstrong person. I can't nor would I like to talk to walls. Or even interact with someone that's like a wall. Honestly it seems a bit off to be in an open relationship and bill yourself as available. But since I wasn't it's all good in my opinion. And if Andrew and I were still friends I'd most likely be pissed that I couldn't sleep over at my friend's house. I felt saved and happy in his arms. And I've had so little of that, that I'd pity the fool that tried to get me to give it up. Which might explain why there has been no relationship since I first met Andrew. But all that is going to change now so I guess it's a moot point. I want/need some advice if you can slog through the im convo. Am I wrong to feel like he's TOO willing and understanding? Or am I seeing smoke where there is no fire? So you're making an informed decision I'm meeting with Andrew tomorrow to discuss how we got where we are now. I just want our friendship to have some closure. I set it up over the phone today. He sounded sad but he said he was sick. During the phone conversation he asked if I still wanted him at my graduation. That confuses me. Opinions are appreciated. 6:56 PM | |
| RiverGrad07: | hey when you get back to the pc I'd like to talk to you |
| 11:02 PM | |
| killerfish13: | yea? |
| killerfish13: | hey! btw |
| RiverGrad07: | hey |
| RiverGrad07: | I wanted to talk to you |
| killerfish13: | yes ma'am? |
| killerfish13: | sorry, its a habit |
| RiverGrad07: | it's ok |
| RiverGrad07: | I haven't been as nice as I could have been to you lately. |
| killerfish13: | i don't believe you |
| killerfish13: | i think you've been wonderfully nice to me |
| RiverGrad07: | really? |
| killerfish13: | yea |
| killerfish13: | i'm honestly surprised u put up with my random crap-speak |
| RiverGrad07: | hm |
| RiverGrad07: | I just was thinking and I don't feel like I've been as nice as I could have been |
| RiverGrad07: | I mean when I first met you we talked and junk and while I enjoyed our conversations |
| RiverGrad07: | I don't think I was as authentic as I could have been |
| RiverGrad07: | I don't know Nick |
| RiverGrad07: | I was just contemplating things earlier |
| RiverGrad07: | nevermind |
| RiverGrad07: | How was your day? |
| killerfish13: | i thought u were sincere/authentic |
| killerfish13: | the way i see it |
| killerfish13: | if u weren't really being authentic |
| killerfish13: | and i like u as much as i do |
| killerfish13: | then u can only be better |
| killerfish13: | and i can only like u more |
| RiverGrad07: | I can see your point |
| RiverGrad07: | my thought is just that I spent a good chunk of time comparing you to Andrew and now I'm being nice and making it seem as if one day I'll be ready to have true friends again and I don't think that's ever going to come. Almost as if I'm leading you on. |
| RiverGrad07: | Do you know what insanity is Nick? |
| killerfish13: | it's when u don't know what ur doing is insane |
| killerfish13: | ur not insane, because u acknowledge the possibility that u might be |
| killerfish13: | insane people don't know theyre insane |
| RiverGrad07: | insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result |
| killerfish13: | then everyone is insane, because they live their lives with the same thing happening almost everyday |
| RiverGrad07: | exactly |
| killerfish13: | it's that one change in ur life that's worth waiting for |
| killerfish13: | ur never gonna find it if u stick to the mundance repetitions |
| RiverGrad07: | that's true |
| RiverGrad07: | life is complicated sometimes |
| killerfish13: | life is complicated all the time |
| RiverGrad07: | true |
| killerfish13: | and everyone deals with it differently |
| RiverGrad07: | going over my blog makes me think |
| RiverGrad07: | i did some editing and some visual tweaks |
| killerfish13: | what does it make u think of? |
| RiverGrad07: | just life in general |
| killerfish13: | i hope theyre good thoughts |
| RiverGrad07: | I guess |
| RiverGrad07: | you're more than welcome to read it if you like |
| killerfish13: | is it on ur myspace? |
| RiverGrad07: | no |
| RiverGrad07: | although there are things there |
| RiverGrad07: | I mainly post there when I'm in a passive agressive mood and I just want to get someone's attention without speaking to them directly |
| killerfish13: | oh, right |
| killerfish13: | gotcha |
| killerfish13: | where's ur other blog? |
| RiverGrad07: | http://iamnotafailure.blogspot.com |
| RiverGrad07: | beware |
| killerfish13: | what am i bewaring of? |
| RiverGrad07: | I pull no punches on this blog |
| RiverGrad07: | and I name names |
| killerfish13: | am i in it? |
| RiverGrad07: | yep |
| RiverGrad07: | and there are labels |
| killerfish13: | orly? |
| RiverGrad07: | on the right hand side |
| RiverGrad07: | when I write an entry, I can post labels about ti |
| RiverGrad07: | it* |
| RiverGrad07: | Nick Fish is your label |
| RiverGrad07: | if you click on it you'll read all the entries about you |
| RiverGrad07: | they're arranged by number though. So I'm not going to lie you're near the bottom. But it's simply because I just really met you |
| killerfish13: | i see |
| killerfish13: | it's cool |
| killerfish13: | u can't see what i wrote |
| killerfish13: | lol |
| RiverGrad07: | You wrote something on my blog |
| RiverGrad07: | Or you wrote something in general |
| killerfish13: | no, in the IM's |
| RiverGrad07: | you should be able to |
| killerfish13: | not on my screen |
| RiverGrad07: | lemme look |
| RiverGrad07: | I can see it on my screen |
| killerfish13: | hmmm |
| killerfish13: | maybe im just lame and cant read it |
| killerfish13: | look |
| killerfish13: | i really like who you are |
| killerfish13: | what i know of who you are |
| killerfish13: | and if u werent being all u can be |
| killerfish13: | then i certainly want to learn more of you |
| RiverGrad07: | read the blog. You'll see more. And you won't like most of it. But it's all good. |
| killerfish13: | which one am i reading? |
| RiverGrad07: | what do you mean? |
| RiverGrad07: | the blogger blog has all sorts of shit in there |
| RiverGrad07: | i'm what some would call a walking disaster |
| killerfish13: | you sound like fun to me |
| killerfish13: | you're a great writer, from what i can see |
| RiverGrad07: | I like to write so I should hope that I was somewhat good at it |
| killerfish13: | u should write me a poem, if i draw u a house |
| RiverGrad07: | I could write you a poem |
| RiverGrad07: | but not just because you're drawing me a house |
| RiverGrad07: | I didn't ask for the house. I appreciate it but I didn't ask for it. |
| killerfish13: | i kno |
| killerfish13: | still want a poem, tho |
| RiverGrad07: | ok |
| killerfish13: | |
| killerfish13: | only if u wanna write it |
| killerfish13: | im drawin u the picture irregardless |
| killerfish13: | u and me have something in common |
| RiverGrad07: | what would I write it about? |
| RiverGrad07: | what is that? |
| killerfish13: | whatever u wish |
| killerfish13: | and that we both need to learn to do things purely for OUR enjoyment again |
| killerfish13: | according to ur blog |
| RiverGrad07: | that's always been true of me |
| killerfish13: | same here |
| killerfish13: | and i think im finally learnin to do it |
| RiverGrad07: | life is basically everlasting school |
| RiverGrad07: | What are you reading? |
| killerfish13: | goin thru the ones for may |
| RiverGrad07: | may 2006 or may 2007? |
| killerfish13: | oh |
| killerfish13: | it was 06 |
| killerfish13: | lol whoops |
| RiverGrad07: | it's cool |
| killerfish13: | apparently |
| killerfish13: | u enjoy sausages |
| RiverGrad07: | hells yes bitch |
| RiverGrad07: | they are so good |
| RiverGrad07: | so so so good |
| killerfish13: | lol im glad we agree |
| killerfish13: | i've noticed that i seem to "fall" for black women that seem think they fuck up alot |
| killerfish13: | when in reality |
| killerfish13: | in front of my eyes, they dont |
| killerfish13: | are you bi? |
| killerfish13: | (random question, yes. necessary, yes) |
| RiverGrad07: | it depends on the amount of liquor I've had and what mood i'm in |
| RiverGrad07: | i'm occassionally sexually bi |
| RiverGrad07: | never ever relationship bi |
| killerfish13: | well hot damn |
| killerfish13: | i see a trend |
| RiverGrad07: | everyone has a pattern |
| RiverGrad07: | humans are pattern |
| RiverGrad07: | patterns* |
| RiverGrad07: | mine is semi-alcoholic, smokin, loud-mouthed white boy of Irish decent |
| RiverGrad07: | they tend to be in the service |
| RiverGrad07: | exactly like my daddy except for the white part |
| killerfish13: | wow |
| killerfish13: | that's disheartening |
| RiverGrad07: | why so? |
| killerfish13: | cuz i only fit one of those types |
| RiverGrad07: | i could be changing |
| RiverGrad07: | or it could not matter since i don't plan to get close to anyone ever again |
| killerfish13: | (an awful plan, in my humble opinion) |
| Wednesday, May 30, 2007 | |
| killerfish13: | but it's just nice to fit the profile |
| RiverGrad07: | yes it is your opinion |
| killerfish13: | being a skinny white male, i dont fit many black women's perfect guy profile |
| RiverGrad07: | the jury's out on the humble bit |
| RiverGrad07: | i like my men lean |
| RiverGrad07: | i guess |
| killerfish13: | lol |
| killerfish13: | well-put |
| RiverGrad07: | i have enough fat for a few people |
| killerfish13: | i dont believe you |
| killerfish13: | but we won't get into that right now |
| RiverGrad07: | you don't have to |
| killerfish13: | ultimately, if ur in my life, i want you to be happy |
| killerfish13: | and i will try my damnest to make that happen, any way i can |
| RiverGrad07: | go for it |
| killerfish13: | are u happy? |
| RiverGrad07: | right now at this moment |
| killerfish13: | why is u happy? |
| RiverGrad07: | i had some frozen white grapes |
| RiverGrad07: | and I adore white grapes |
| killerfish13: | mmmm |
| killerfish13: | grapes |
| killerfish13: | id like some grapes |
| killerfish13: | do u wish to share? |
| RiverGrad07: | but I obsess over them when they are frozen |
| RiverGrad07: | no |
| RiverGrad07: | i skipped that day in kindergarten |
| killerfish13: | |
| RiverGrad07: | dude they're like 1.93 at the store |
| RiverGrad07: | they're expensive as shit |
| killerfish13: | thats retarded |
| killerfish13: | why would grapes be that expensive? |
| RiverGrad07: | you work at a grocery store |
| RiverGrad07: | you don't notice shit like that? |
| killerfish13: | nope |
| killerfish13: | i just bag the shit and get carts |
| RiverGrad07: | when you start ringing shit up you'll see |
| killerfish13: | ive noticed there is alot of expensive shit that shouldnt be expensive |
| RiverGrad07: | farm fresh is a gourmet supermarket chain |
| killerfish13: | those bastards |
| RiverGrad07: | well they have to charge higher |
| RiverGrad07: | they have more premium products |
| RiverGrad07: | only grade a eggs |
| RiverGrad07: | 5% of the beef soldis certified angus and the rest is certified prime choice |
| RiverGrad07: | smithfield pork |
| RiverGrad07: | boar's head meat and cheese in the deli |
| RiverGrad07: | you know if you want to sell boar's head you have to call them up and they have to approve you to sell their shit? |
| killerfish13: | jigga what? |
| RiverGrad07: | it's all in the training video you see when you go to cashier training |
| RiverGrad07: | the point though is that they sell top of the line items in most areas of the store |
| RiverGrad07: | and if you're here from Austrailia and there's a type of jam you like you can't find here in US markets, you can go to Farm Fresh and request it and they'll hunt it down and bring it to the store |
| killerfish13: | are u forserious? |
| RiverGrad07: | all you have to pay it what you'd pay for it back home (in US dollars of course) |
| RiverGrad07: | yes |
| RiverGrad07: | that costs money Nick |
| killerfish13: | thats crazy that they do that |
| RiverGrad07: | it's how they keep customers |
| killerfish13: | this is true |
| killerfish13: | i notice the crab legs are like 20 dollars |
| RiverGrad07: | that's just crabs in general babydoll |
| killerfish13: | babydoll? |
| killerfish13: | i like that |
| killerfish13: | i feel speial! |
| RiverGrad07: | I'm savvy. I dress punk/boho/grunge..... |
| RiverGrad07: | but I also have a southern side |
| RiverGrad07: | it shows itself in my caring nature and my speech |
| RiverGrad07: | dialect and verbiage |
| killerfish13: | i like it |
| RiverGrad07: | You realize I use that like all the time right? |
| RiverGrad07: | I called my mom sugarpie earlier today |
| killerfish13: | uve never used it with me before |
| RiverGrad07: | really? |
| killerfish13: | yea |
| RiverGrad07: | that's odd |
| RiverGrad07: | well ok then |
| killerfish13: | lol |
| killerfish13: | well, i got class at 9 tomorrow |
| RiverGrad07: | cool |
| RiverGrad07: | how much of my blog did you read over? Just wondering |
| killerfish13: | umm...down to may 2nd |
| RiverGrad07: | interesting |
| RiverGrad07: | well the whole HIM label is Andrew. As you can see I write about him a lot. (The labels are listed greatest to smallest) |
| RiverGrad07: | I figured I'd say something now |
| RiverGrad07: | guys are funny (stupid) really about guys that came before them |
| killerfish13: | thats very true |
| killerfish13: | i kno i can be |
| killerfish13: | but im workin on it |
| RiverGrad07: | the past is the past |
| killerfish13: | and im not gonna let it bother me too much |
| RiverGrad07: | if she's with you then obviously the bitch before you fell short SOMEWHERE. That or he died tragically in which case you're sorta screwed unless it's been like a year. |
| RiverGrad07: | then again I'm not with you so in this instance I could see how some jealousy is warranted. besides it's an ego boost. |
| RiverGrad07: | babydoll be jealous |
| RiverGrad07: | but do it in your sleep since you have class |
| RiverGrad07: | (btw who the FUCK PLANS class at 9am?...dumbass) |
| RiverGrad07: | Night Nick |
| killerfish13: | its the only one they had |
| RiverGrad07: | two words |
| RiverGrad07: | next |
| RiverGrad07: | semester |
| killerfish13: | one word |
| killerfish13: | cant |
| killerfish13: | im already graduating late |
| RiverGrad07: | online is another word you might wanna pick up |
| killerfish13: | im not disciplined enough to do those |
| killerfish13: | and ill only get jealous if im able to get an ego boost in return |
| RiverGrad07: | looks like you're ass out then |
| killerfish13: | yup |
| killerfish13: | im doin fine with it, tho |
| killerfish13: | or so i think |
| RiverGrad07: | the ego boost comes from the fact that I'm a potential dime piece |
| RiverGrad07: | the kicker comes from the fact a wannabe redneck Northern gutter rat with two kids fucked shit up for you. |
| RiverGrad07: | Don't you have a class or something tomorrow? |
| killerfish13: | yea, and theres no need to be gettin angry at anyone |
| killerfish13: | im just tryin to make things equal |
| RiverGrad07: | equal? |
| killerfish13: | goodnight and sweet dreams, Joy |
| RiverGrad07: | oh you're going to bounce after that cryptic junk? nice. |
| killerfish13: | why should i go through the painful feelings of jealousy when im getting not much in return? |
| RiverGrad07: | good poiny |
| RiverGrad07: | point* |
| RiverGrad07: | I don't know. I'm not really in much of a position to think about well-being that isn't attached to me. |
| killerfish13: | neither am i, which is why i said it |
| RiverGrad07: | touche babydoll touche |
| RiverGrad07: | the sugar is finally melting off of your words |
| RiverGrad07: | 'bout damn time |
| killerfish13: | im not angry or upset about this |
| RiverGrad07: | nobody is |
| RiverGrad07: | life is too short to be angry |
| killerfish13: | then where' all this coming from? |
| RiverGrad07: | you're always so NICE. and SWEET. and UNDERSTANDING. Nobody is like that. |
| RiverGrad07: | At least not to the extent you've been towards me. |
| killerfish13: | i am until i get unjust treatment |
| RiverGrad07: | I figured you had a breaking point where'd you'd stop blowin' smoke up my ass. |
| RiverGrad07: | Just had to find it. And now I have. |
| killerfish13: | and u'd rather have that me than the nice me? |
| RiverGrad07: | I'd rather be told the truth |
| RiverGrad07: | honesty is the best policy |
| killerfish13: | both of them are the truth |
| RiverGrad07: | unless you're in front of the cops |
| killerfish13: | i have no reason to lie to you |
| killerfish13: | or act any way that im not |
| RiverGrad07: | Don't always tell me what I want to hear. |
| RiverGrad07: | Just because I'm depressed enough to warrant hospitalization doesn't mean I want smoke up my ass |
| killerfish13: | i tell you what u want to hear becuase thats what makes you happy |
| killerfish13: | you have to deal with the realism yourself |
| killerfish13: | why should i repeat what you already know, and make you feel worse? |
| RiverGrad07: | Because it's the truth. |
| RiverGrad07: | And in the end it's all that matters. |
| killerfish13: | then i dont need to say anything, then, because we've all got our own truth's and realities covered |
| killerfish13: | no one else can do it for us |
| killerfish13: | im a nice guy, bottom line |
| RiverGrad07: | there's a difference between being sympathetic and being false |
| killerfish13: | and no one was being false |
| killerfish13: | u dont know me that well, so u dont know how real im being and how fake im being |
| RiverGrad07: | Nick when you answered my ad what went through your head? |
| killerfish13: | something along the lines of: here's a sensible girl that might have things in common with me. and doesnt smoke or drink that much, apparently. plus she likes guys like me, apparently. lets see what she's like |
| RiverGrad07: | ok so you were looking to get to know and get close to an available girl who you seemed to match with pretty well |
| RiverGrad07: | if i'm wrong holler now |
| killerfish13: | ur right |
| killerfish13: | im here |
| RiverGrad07: | Until a week from this past weekend, I spent about 70% of my time with Andrew at his place |
| killerfish13: | i am the uniter i am the divider i am everyones nothing i am no ones everything i am darkness i am light i am eternal i am never here |
| RiverGrad07: | If I was sleepy, I slept over there. I'd occassionally drink over there which means I slept over there |
| killerfish13: | ok |
| RiverGrad07: | in his twin bed with him in it |
| RiverGrad07: | we'd go out to eat, to the movies |
| RiverGrad07: | i was with him when you called and we were prom shopping for me |
| RiverGrad07: | i did laundry over there, i wear his clothes when i fuck up mine. or when I underdress which i did a LOT this spring...the weather was a bitch. |
| killerfish13: | ok |
| RiverGrad07: | but the point is we both had in our heads that we were friends but as far as everyone was concerned we were dating. which is understandable considering we're sharing a bed, clothes, food, money, sometimes the shower if we felt like it and having sex. |
| RiverGrad07: | to know all that would piss some guys off |
| RiverGrad07: | and you're just like eh |
| RiverGrad07: | which means you either have NO respect for yourself or you're bothered but aren't going to say shit. |
| RiverGrad07: | which is fake |
| killerfish13: | a couple things |
| killerfish13: | first, if u were so involved, u shouldnt have put out something saying u were available, knowing the effect it might have on guys |
| killerfish13: | second, i didnt KNOW you were doing all that stuff |
| killerfish13: | if i did, i would have backed off and let u have at him |
| RiverGrad07: | Nick 90% of the time when you'd call I was with him. Did you not hear the jets overhead? |
| killerfish13: | and no, my self-respect is not the highest in the world |
| RiverGrad07: | And I was and am available. Cause we were just friends |
| killerfish13: | ok, so there were jets |
| RiverGrad07: | I haven't been in a relationship in almost two years. |
| killerfish13: | nothing went off in my head, "oh, thats andrew" |
| killerfish13: | u basially are in one |
| killerfish13: | a relationship like that is more than just friends |
| killerfish13: | fuck the classifications |
| RiverGrad07: | if i'm looking to date other people and he's trying to date other people then what do you call it |
| killerfish13: | a non-exclusive relationship |
| RiverGrad07: | when he was involved with someone we didn't have sex |
| RiverGrad07: | and that was all that changed |
| RiverGrad07: | we were still best friends |
| killerfish13: | exactly |
| killerfish13: | that did EVERYTHING together |
| killerfish13: | how can u be with someone else when 90%of ur time is spent with him? |
| RiverGrad07: | i hung out with my best friend because i had no relationship to be in |
| killerfish13: | yet u would have dropped that 90% to be with someone else? |
| RiverGrad07: | i can relax and do homework and watch tv over there with him and the other guys easier than i can at home |
| RiverGrad07: | i still would have chilled with my friend as much as i could he's getting ready to go out for 8 months. But I would have spent more time with my boyfriend |
| killerfish13: | my question is: if u can do all that with him, what do u need to be in a relationship for? |
| killerfish13: | u have everything u need right there |
| RiverGrad07: | there's no intimacy |
| killerfish13: | as far as i can see |
| RiverGrad07: | there's half assed trust |
| RiverGrad07: | well was |
| RiverGrad07: | he was nowhere near as open with me as I was with him |
| RiverGrad07: | i let it slide because i know he has this thing about making his friends happy and not stressing them but i still killed me |
| RiverGrad07: | slowly. That was a large part of why we were friends. |
| killerfish13: | either way, my ultimate point is, i didnt know u were so involved with andy. i didnt know u, so i wasnt going to be mean or anything to you when i was trying to GET to know you. and it really doesn't matter, because now ur not ready to open up to anybody |
| killerfish13: | why shouldnt i be like, eh? |
| killerfish13: | if i have no chance anyways |
| killerfish13: | im trying to be ur friend, cuz i hate to see people upset |
| RiverGrad07: | being extra nice when you're getting to know someone does no good |
| RiverGrad07: | because you don't truly know someone |
| killerfish13: | i wasnt being EXTRA nice, i was being my nice side |
| killerfish13: | believe it or not, everything i was to you is how i truly am |
| killerfish13: | or truly can be, i should say |
| RiverGrad07: | I do believe I'm picking a fight with you. |
| RiverGrad07: | Nick, no one is nice all the time. It scares me, because the other shoe is sure to drop. |
| killerfish13: | yes, it is |
| RiverGrad07: | And if you let your guard down and you aren't prepared it's bad. |
| killerfish13: | when its appropriate |
| killerfish13: | there was no time that i talked to you that the bad side needed to show up |
| RiverGrad07: | You act like you like everything about and that's weird to me Nick. You have to dislike something. |
| killerfish13: | i am the uniter i am the divider i am everyones nothing i am no ones everything i am darkness i am light i am eternal i am never here |
| killerfish13: | i dislike how honest u are sometimes, but i look past it |
| killerfish13: | if i focus on the bad, then the good gets put behind it |
| RiverGrad07: | but you've never said I was too blunt for you. |
| RiverGrad07: | never |
| killerfish13: | nope |
| killerfish13: | because i deal with it |
| killerfish13: | its not that big of a deal to me |
| killerfish13: | ur blunt |
| killerfish13: | thats u |
| killerfish13: | i cant change it, so why should i try? |
| RiverGrad07: | it's one thing to deal with something and it's another thing to never bring it up. |
| RiverGrad07: | for example, I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. And Drew smokes. When he's stressed he smokes like a chimney. He's been stressed the closer he gets to his deployment cause it's his first big one. I knew I couldn't change it, but I made it known it bothered me. And he made sure not to smoke in my car or near my car. Or near me for that matter. |
| RiverGrad07: | I tried not to harp on it or give him grief |
| RiverGrad07: | that's dealing with it |
| RiverGrad07: | I sure as fuck didn't sit there and choke on cigarette smoke |
| killerfish13: | thats not a part of his personaloty, tho |
| RiverGrad07: | trust me it is |
| killerfish13: | and thats a detriment to ur health |
| killerfish13: | u being blunt isnt |
| RiverGrad07: | ok Nick. |
| killerfish13: | i dont care about winning or losing this arguement |
| killerfish13: | i just want you to understand my side |
| RiverGrad07: | to just sit and suffer with something is disturbing |
| killerfish13: | i live at my house |
| RiverGrad07: | even if you can't change it you should still make it known |
| killerfish13: | im used to it |
| killerfish13: | i hate my mom's nazi, controlling nature |
| killerfish13: | but if i make it known, it will only get worse |
| killerfish13: | i dont think that would happen with the bluntness |
| killerfish13: | but ive learned to deal with things |
| killerfish13: | some small stuff, like bluntness, really doesnt matter all that much to me |
| RiverGrad07: | So how the hell am I supposed to function if I never know when I fuck up? |
| killerfish13: | i didnt say u'd never know |
| killerfish13: | like i did say, it hadnt come up as a problem yet |
| killerfish13: | why should i cause problems if there are none there? |
| killerfish13: | it just complicates thing |
| killerfish13: | s |
| RiverGrad07: | because it's human Nick. |
| killerfish13: | apparently its not |
| RiverGrad07: | If something bothers you, even something small |
| RiverGrad07: | it's your right to bring it up |
| RiverGrad07: | if it's small you don't have the right to hold onto it |
| RiverGrad07: | but you do have the right to at least address it |
| killerfish13: | if it matters that much to me |
| killerfish13: | i think its funny that ur making more of a big deal out of it than i am, but im the one who dislikes it |
| killerfish13: | ironic, no? |
| RiverGrad07: | Because I like to know when I mess up and it's small. |
| RiverGrad07: | Because if I don't, it won't change, it'll just get worse and next thing I know someone else is hitting me again. |
| RiverGrad07: | I like to prevent shit like that, I bruise easily. |
| killerfish13: | something u need to do, to work on, is to stop thinking of me like someone in ur past |
| killerfish13: | im not them |
| killerfish13: | i never will be them |
| killerfish13: | im not going to hit you |
| killerfish13: | im not going to yell at you |
| killerfish13: | because i dont yell |
| killerfish13: | if i see an unfixable problem, i leave |
| RiverGrad07: | I find it hard to trust the person that doesn't show their anger. |
| killerfish13: | showing my anger only causes more unnecessary problems |
| killerfish13: | when the same thing can be solved without yelling and screaming, and with simple talking |
| killerfish13: | its a complete waste of energy, if you ask me |
| RiverGrad07: | there are lots of things that are wastes of energy: math classes when you're never going to do more than take a stab at balancing a checkbook until you have someone do it for you |
| killerfish13: | i am the uniter i am the divider i am everyones nothing i am no ones everything i am darkness i am light i am eternal i am never here |
| RiverGrad07: | taxes are a waste of energy |
| RiverGrad07: | mowing the lawn when little kids are begging to do it for like 5 or 10 bucks |
| RiverGrad07: | but all those things still happen. |
| killerfish13: | but fighting over something trivial doesnt have to happen |
| killerfish13: | the taxes need to be done |
| killerfish13: | the grass needs to be mowed |
| killerfish13: | the discussion needs to be had |
| killerfish13: | either way, all of them have to get done |
| killerfish13: | i just choose the easier way |
| RiverGrad07: | see that's what I'm saying |
| RiverGrad07: | Just because you're willing to let something go doesn't mean it doesn't need to be discussed |
| killerfish13: | unless it is of little to no consequence |
| killerfish13: | as was this |
| killerfish13: | im not saying dont address it |
| killerfish13: | im saying address it when it matters |
| killerfish13: | it didnt anger me at all |
| killerfish13: | not much does |
| killerfish13: | it just irked me a little |
| RiverGrad07: | so the bluntness didn't bother you. That's your story and I'll let it go. Even though when we talk on the phone I can hear you pause when I've crossed a line |
| killerfish13: | i pause when im thinking of things to say |
| RiverGrad07: | Are you going to say my being friends with Andrew didn't bother you? |
| killerfish13: | yes, i am |
| killerfish13: | because it didnt |
| killerfish13: | who am i to tell you who you cant be friends with |
| killerfish13: | im not ur father |
| killerfish13: | im not your boyfriend |
| killerfish13: | and you knew him before me |
| RiverGrad07: | that's very true. Just to speak hypothetically, because I doubt it'll happen, but if we were to repair our friendship and get back to what was normal for us, would it bother you? |
| killerfish13: | why would it? |
| killerfish13: | im not involved with u and him at all |
| killerfish13: | acording to you, u and me arent really gonna get beyond friends, so its really of no real consequence to our prospective friendship |
| RiverGrad07: | The world is like the seashore; constantly changing |
| killerfish13: | that it is |
| RiverGrad07: | you can go to the beach today and then go tomorrow and see a different shore |
| killerfish13: | if the fact did change, and we were to get together |
| killerfish13: | yes, it would bother me |
| RiverGrad07: | because the individual grains of sand change |
| killerfish13: | but i wouldnt get toether with u til the stuff with andrew stopped |
| killerfish13: | he came first |
| RiverGrad07: | so if i find it in me to be more trusting; I couldn't fix the friendship I had with Drew? |
| killerfish13: | no,im not saying that |
| killerfish13: | its kind of an either/or thing with me |
| killerfish13: | if we're going to date, i would expect certain aspects of ur friendship with Drew would subside |
| killerfish13: | *we were |
| killerfish13: | but i have no right to ask u to stop being best friends with Drew |
| RiverGrad07: | i'm not an idiot i know i couldn't keep sleeping with him if I were in a relationship. |
| killerfish13: | didnt say u were |
| RiverGrad07: | but if we were going to date and him and i were still friends could we still have movie nights or go to the gym or any of the various other things we did? |
| killerfish13: | of course |
| killerfish13: | i cant keep u from doing those things |
| killerfish13: | and im not gonna fool myself into thinking that i can control you |
| RiverGrad07: | if I'd made the nature of Andrew and I's friendship clearer before him and I fought, when I was in more relationship-friendly emotional state, would it have affected you? |
| killerfish13: | i am the uniter i am the divider i am everyones nothing i am no ones everything i am darkness i am light i am eternal i am never here |
| killerfish13: | i think the sleeping together part, yea of course, but otherwise, not really |
| killerfish13: | i know ur testing me with the questions |
| killerfish13: | though i dont know why ur asking them |
| killerfish13: | hooray! |
| killerfish13: | i am gonna go real soon tho, seeing as i have to wake up in like 5 hours |
| RiverGrad07: | That's cool. I was getting ready to say that earlier. |
| killerfish13: | i am the uniter i am the divider i am everyones nothing i am no ones everything i am darkness i am light i am eternal i am never here |
| RiverGrad07: | I don't test people it's childish. |
| killerfish13: | sorry for assuming, then |
| RiverGrad07: | I just have a problem with people concealing things |
| RiverGrad07: | I need people to be upfront with me |
| killerfish13: | i am, most of the time |
| killerfish13: | just small stuff, i deal with |
| killerfish13: | if it got to be a problem, i would have brought it up |
| killerfish13: | and i still will |
| killerfish13: | along with any other problems that i have |
| RiverGrad07: | That's fine. You just seemed really fake Nick. No offense |
| killerfish13: | i can understand why u would think that, so none taken |
| killerfish13: | but i promise, i wasnt |
| killerfish13: | all, 100% Nick |
| killerfish13: | whether thats a good or bad thing, i dunno |
| killerfish13: | but, that is me |
| killerfish13: | but im gonna go to ze bed |
| RiverGrad07: | later |
| killerfish13: | goodnight and sweet dreams |
| killerfish13: | hope u have a good day tomorrow/today |
| RiverGrad07: | same to you |
| killerfish13: | asleep. art class, sucka! |
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