WTF?!!?

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A slightly more in-depth explanation

the0taku1 (12:51:50 AM): Hey, you there?

RiverGrad07 (12:51:58 AM): yes

the0taku1 (12:55:06 AM): So, read the blog.

the0taku1 (12:55:10 AM): What exactly do you want?

the0taku1 (12:55:20 AM): I mean, it seems to be pretty well laid out in there.

the0taku1 (12:55:30 AM): But, I'm asking if you have any specifics.

RiverGrad07 (12:55:57 AM): what do you mean by specifics?

the0taku1 (12:56:10 AM): I dunno.

the0taku1 (12:56:15 AM): lol That's why I'm asking.

the0taku1 (12:56:17 AM): I mean.

the0taku1 (12:56:48 AM): Honestly, would I have a chance? I'm not sure what you're exactly looking for.

RiverGrad07 (12:57:07 AM): specifics:type of guy physically

the0taku1 (12:57:18 AM): But I apparently can't do things right since I've been put down so much before that I'd like to know ahead of time exactly what someone would like.

the0taku1 (12:57:20 AM): I guess.

RiverGrad07 (12:57:22 AM): specifics: what i want out of the relationship

RiverGrad07 (12:57:27 AM): what kind of specifics

the0taku1 (12:57:33 AM): Both I guess.

RiverGrad07 (1:01:17 AM): you're calling me on my shit at 1 in the morning

RiverGrad07 (1:01:31 AM): ^that's all the disclaimer you're going to get

the0taku1 (1:02:34 AM): lol.

the0taku1 (1:03:09 AM): Touché

RiverGrad07 (1:03:09 AM): Relationship wise what i want is someone that can serve me

the0taku1 (1:03:14 AM): Okay.

RiverGrad07 (1:03:28 AM): and then when i need it take care of me completely

RiverGrad07 (1:03:44 AM): sometimes with all the shit i deal with it just boggles my mind to make simple decisions

RiverGrad07 (1:03:53 AM): someone that can do that for me would be great

RiverGrad07 (1:04:00 AM): but only when i need it

RiverGrad07 (1:04:34 AM): as far as me being in the dom role, i want the kind of person i can guide into doing the right thing and serving me

RiverGrad07 (1:05:04 AM): someone whose whole world is brightened by the change to do something for me

RiverGrad07 (1:06:53 AM): someone that if i'm in the dom seat will look to me for permission before taking a drink from someone or something small like that

RiverGrad07 (1:07:28 AM): someone that wouldn't mind going through a cuffing or collaring ceremony for me

RiverGrad07 (1:08:35 AM): (there are lots of cuffs like look like fashionable bracelets masculine and feminine. But they have a clasp that's difficult to open on your own or a discreet lock. so you can take your D/s relationship)

RiverGrad07 (1:09:02 AM): someone that's craving to feel bound to me in that way

RiverGrad07 (1:09:29 AM): you can interject anytime, feel free

RiverGrad07 (1:13:26 AM): To answer your question honestly, no I don't think you have a chance. It's not you.

RiverGrad07 (1:15:15 AM): You just don't seem to be the kind of person into this kind of thing

RiverGrad07 (1:15:29 AM): You might be disgusted but type something so I know you're alive

the0taku1 (1:18:17 AM): Sorry, fell out for a second there.

RiverGrad07 (1:18:30 AM): ah

RiverGrad07 (1:18:45 AM): allow me to let you catch up on what I typed then

the0taku1 (1:18:51 AM): Oh I got it.

the0taku1 (1:19:02 AM): I read really quick lol.

the0taku1 (1:19:26 AM): But, if you don't think so then I guess that's that.

RiverGrad07 (1:19:42 AM): It just doesn't seem like something you'd be comfortable with

RiverGrad07 (1:20:04 AM): i think i remember you said something about your ex being controlling and you not liking it

RiverGrad07 (1:20:36 AM): a big part of D/s is the fact that the sub is submitting and relenquishing control

RiverGrad07 (1:20:54 AM): it's not about taking that control.

the0taku1 (1:22:12 AM): Well it wasn't so much that, it was just that there wasn't any kind of explanation on her part.

the0taku1 (1:22:21 AM): I never knew what exactly it was that she wanted.

the0taku1 (1:22:52 AM): If she wanted something like what you're saying (which is what it seems like looking back) then I would have been fine with it (I'd think) if I had just known in advance what was going on.

the0taku1 (1:23:07 AM): It was also a maturity issue with her though.

the0taku1 (1:23:26 AM): She had a kind of still high school "hey I want to be a princess" kind of air about her sometimes.

the0taku1 (1:23:47 AM): And that didn't come out till near the end, and as I'm sure you've picked up, I can't fucking stand that.

the0taku1 (1:23:52 AM): The preppy kind anyway.

the0taku1 (1:24:14 AM): What you're saying wouldn't seem that bad, just if like I said, I knew what was expected.

RiverGrad07 (1:25:01 AM): hindsight's a bitch

the0taku1 (1:26:36 AM): Yep.

the0taku1 (1:26:38 AM): But anyway.

the0taku1 (1:26:45 AM): I guess I should get to sleep, again lol.

the0taku1 (1:26:52 AM): See you.

RiverGrad07 (1:27:18 AM): night

the0taku1 (1:27:20 AM): Night.

the0taku1 signed off at 1:27:48 AM.

I guess what I'm saying is I want to be worthy of someone's trust and respect. I want a loving relationship. I don't want secrets.

I want...

a relationship. Preferrably a D/s one. It'd be pure bliss if I could find one with someone that switches.

I like being taken care of, but I also like to take care of others. I'm not sure how to explain how I feel about it. I just know that it's important to me to be in control in the next relationship I'm in. Because I don't want to suffer through heartbreak again. Control is something I thrive off of. But I also thrive from giving that control up. Which is why I think a relationship with a switch might be something to look into. I do know I'm tired of being lonely.

I miss taking care of someone. Hearing the little things about someone's day. I don't want to rush into something and get hurt again though. That's the only thing.