It's all part of growing up

I didn't get cake or pie or anything. I'm getting up early to get my industrial done because Mom spent a large amount of time on a Matt problem. There's a football camp in the area tomorrow. He's know about it since April. He waited until last night to let my mom know that 1)There's paperwork that needs to be filled out for this camp and 2) He lost it a long time ago. This perpetuated a whole long string of faxes and jumping through hoops so that he can go this weekend. I don't think he should be allowed to go because he wasn't responsible. Either way, I just.....last year my birthday was completely forgotten amongst all the stuff with my dad that went on. I want to feel like someone cares enough about me to spend a minute of their time thinking about me. I feel like I don't matter.

I'm Legal. Finally.

All that really means to me is that I can start decorating my body the way I want. It's legal to have sex with the man that I love now, but that hasn't stopped us in the past two years so eh.

I've been dealing with some adult problems for a while so nothing feels new. But I'm still happy. I and a few other people have worked quite hard to make it to this point. Now while I'm responsible for what happens from here out, I'm not alone. I have friends. I could be closer to them, no doubt about it, but the foundations are there. And then I have my three angels. Whomever I'm forever grateful too. They helped me survive to be who I am today. That wasn't easy trust and believe me. Everything goes according to plan and I will have them honored in ink on my back. (I think there's a prize if you can guess who they are. *wink*)

I'm going dancing tonight. After I sleep all day.

Things that stress me out

I made a list at work to try and get an idea of what I can change and what I can work on. Here it is. The list is in no particular order. Just how they came to my head.

• Andrew visiting Kelly for a week out of the blue
• prom expenses
• having fun @ prom
• money in general (bills, tuition, gifts)
• keeping my job
• losing weight
• Dad's health
• graduation
• Dad's temper
• my health
• strokes
• Andrew going camping w/ Melissa
• buying a new car
• moving out
• Stephen moving out for the summer
• Becca cutting
• taking summer classes
• passing summer classes
• Dad's spending habits
• Andrew's injuries
• the car I drive now
• health/car insurance
• getting to know Nick
• Devin's wedding in August
• my 18th B-day

It's kinda long.

A day of introspection and proclamation

The past two days, in pyschology class, we have been watching Rent. It made me think, which is exactly what Johnathan Larson wanted. I loved it loved it loved it. I cried when Angel died. It made me sad. So completely sad. She was beautiful. I hope one day I can say that I have friends like that.

I declared to my mother that I have no wish to celebrate my birthday. I realize that no matter what, I can't have possibly grown in my mother's eyes. She continues to see me as a child. Not a young woman. It's going to be hard to obey her in the coming months, but I'm not really going to try. What is the point? Honestly, there is no point. And I'm okay with that. Really I am.

My date with Scott went well this evening. And it was in fact a date. We went to this lovely dinner theatre type place. We didn't see a play, we saw a movie. It was a fancy Cinema Cafe. The food was great and The Break-Up was great. Jennifer Aniston is funny. I was never a fan of her in Friends, but her movies are always ones that I enjoy.

Rent
The+Break-Up
Jennifer+Aniston

See-Saw

With my birthday approaching, I've been very cynical. Cynicism in the extreme. And yet, I'm talking to this very interesting person. I had this whole angsty diatribe and now all I have is I might see a movie Friday, so bully for me. I'm good now. Well not good. Rarely ever good. I feel the diatribe coming on. But I have softball practice so later for it. If it's meant to be written, it'll be in my mind to write later on when I get back. It's only an hour. I should hope that my mind isn't so faulty that I can't keep a notation in my head for a mere hour. We shall see. We shall see.