Saturday, July 21, 2007

It hurts

Andrew's away right now as I'm sure you know. Actually I'm sure you're tired of hearing about me bitching about how he's not here and how I miss him. But to my point.

He really doesn't like the people he works with on the boat. He's incredibly unhappy. And I feel bad for him. Because he's SO incredibly frustrated. And there's nothing I can do for him while I'm here. All I can do is just support him through emails. I just feel like it's not enough. Tone isn't always properly conveyed through the written word. A hug is better than a note in my opinion. And on top of that he just got some bad news about his adopted family and his hands are tied as far as helping them out. When shit goes down with the family of your flesh it's one thing. It's painful. But when something happens with the family of your heart, and you can't do an thing about it, it hurts. And I wish I could hold him while he's hurting. I wish he was home so he could sleep.

I miss him to the point of distraction. Things happen and I want to share them with him and I can, but I can't because he's not here. I want to discuss Nick with him in person. And I want him to come with me to get my car. The main thing I miss is sleeping with him. Just regularly sleeping. I slept in a double bed in the hotel. And I kept reaching my leg and my arm over to lay across him, but he wasn't there. And I'd wake up sad. A couple of times a night. It wasn't restful. Which is a shame because the bed was so cushy and nice.

He's hurting and I can't help. And I miss him.

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