Saturday, August 25, 2007

It's tough to say, but it must be said

I'm under a significant amount of stress right now. I can sense and feel my life slipping away from me and turning into something I don't even know. I can't....I'm not functioning in the way I want to. My savings account is empty. And I need gas and I know I don't have the money for it. I'm broke and it's depressing because I know that about 70% of my income over the past couple months has gone to things for Andrew. And I just....I don't have anything to show for all of that effort. I'm not gonna lie, this whole apartment thing has me scared and freaked out. Andrew just doesn't seem to do anything for himself. I understand that his main goals are his kids and his bills are his first priorities. I totally get that. I'm with him on that one TOTALLY. What I don't get is how he can't seem to focus on anything else. Why can't he focus on taking care of himself before he sleeps or plays? He gets mad when he brings it up, because he says I remind him of his mother. But he reminds me of my dad when he tells what to do with my life and then does nothing with his own but just sit there and take. I've researched everything that's needed to be looked up and just brought the info to him. Because if I don't then it doesn't get done in a timely fashion.'s not just his life anymore. My life is affected by his lack of get up and go. I don't want anything negative on my credit score because of him not getting things set up when they need to be. There are so many things that need to be in place before we can pay rent for September and move in. And he just leaves everything to me.

I just don't have the extra energy to take care of him as well as myself. I'm so lonely. Being depressed and lonely just saps my energy. I mean what's the point of going through all of these motions when there's no one at the end of the day to share all of the stress with or all of the happiness? There's no one to share with. And that just bums me out in such a big way. It's always in the back of my mind. You're working so hard on everything, but what for? It's not appreciated and there's no one to share anything with. What's the point of working so hard if you're lonely?

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