Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My soul is screaming from the pain

I'm mad and I'm sick and both are my faults. I'm sick of the lack of respect or recognition. And I'm physically sick. And I hate it. I don't ever get any of his attention unless he needs something. And it's the same way with my parents. And I hate it. (Hate is a recurring theme in this post can ya tell?) It just doesn't make any sense that this is how people feel they should treat me. It's really upsetting and I hate it. It's like no matter how hard I work, my mother is still cranky and bitchy and Andrew is still exhausted and unhappy. Nothing I do ever has any real effect on anyone. It sucks. Because it makes me feel useless. Not completely useless, but unhelpful to the people that matter to me and that's a little upsetting. What's also upsetting is that I can't seem to get any care. I give it but I do NOT receive it in the slightest. Like I've been hacking up a lung for the longest and all anyone can really seem to care about is how it's going to affect them. Which is the world's biggest load of shit. The absolute biggest.

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