My Resolve

Where oh where did it go? I used to be able to not eat if I didn't want to. I used to have some self-control. Some willpower. Now, I think about not eating but then I quickly cave. I don't want to be the girl that people keep around only to use when they need her anymore. I want people to be able to acknowledge me. I don't want to be the girl that's ok to fuck and tell your dreams to, but not good enough to date because she's too ugly and your friends just wouldn't understand. Not anymore at least. But I'm never going to get to that point if I can't lose some of this weight. Back to diet pills I guess. The Retiva isn't cutting it. All it does is give me energy to get up and go to the gym; it doesn't supress my appetite so I don't eat so much food I have to spend a full week in the gym just to work it off. I won't be fat for prom. I just won't. I can't.

I visited a friend Monday night. HE made me laugh. HE fell asleep as we were watching Thumb Wars (my geeks can leave comments as to what that is or leave links that can explain). I woke him to let him know I was leaving and HE gave me a hug that picked me up and dropped me on top of the world. It was warm and firm and it was great.