Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Reconstruction

So I've gotten microbraids, taken to painting my nails, and wearing makeup to school.

I'm trying to take better care of myself. It's working, up to a point. My sessions with Dr. Just, (the shrink I saw to get back in school) have made me feel that perhaps if I want to feel better, I should work on the outside. After all, it's hard to feel good about yourself when you can't stand the way you look.

I'm not so certain I should be so focused on the physical stuff but it's something I actually have control over. So I work on it. Maybe once the packaging is prettier, I'll feel good enough about the inside to give a hoot.

I have plans to hang out with HIM on Monday. I'm excited about it. I only have school two days a week next week and Monday is one of my days off. So I'm going to hopefully hang out with Alyssa, Holly, or some other friends I haven't really chilled with lately and then him. I'd like to possibly use one of those days to maybe have lunch with Trevor, the boy mentioned in the last post. If I didn't mention him I meant to. I got in contact with him via a Craigslist ad. And he's nice. Super nice. Cute. Easy to talk to. A month out of a year long relationship. Needless to say, I'm a little hesitant to get into a relationship with him. I want a relationship and I think there's a lot of possibilities with him. We have great conversation. I've just stalled on meeting him because I don't want to get into something with him just to have him step out on it. And I'm still emotionally attached to HIM. It's not just any individual thing. It's the whole package.

I quit my job at Sonic last night. Turned in my two weeks notice. The pay just isn't worth the aggravation and the stress. I can work less hours and make more money somewhere else. So that's what I plan to do.

1 comment:

Shed on me the light. said...

I plan on being straight-forward, but my intention is not to hurt, demean, or influence you in a negative way.

This is for this comment as well as further comments, because I do intend on posting more.

--

One of the best ways to heal yourself is to take pride in your being. This includes all parts: body, mind, and spirit.

I understand the concept of needing control in your life. Most (if not all) people have the desire to control their lives. Unfortunately, we cannot control what happens to us in our lives. What we can control our attitude. As dumb as it seems, attitude is one of the most important things that you will have in your life. As you grow older and slowly become more and more (as much as i hate to say it) unattractive, your attitude will be a determining factor in the way you are viewed.

This is not to say that you should completely abandon your physical self. Your body is a temple. It was given to you in the hope that you would love and cherish it. Everyone's body has flaws; the truth is that in this world, perfect does not exist. It is simply an illusion that people expect themselves to live up to; most never make it to anywhere near perfect, but they learn to live with what they are given. The learning is the hadest part, but, I promise, it will get better.

Friends are sometimes very important in learning to accept yourself. 'Hanging out' is a great way to help yourself understand that there are people who will care about you-- no matter what.


Good luck with finding a new job. We could all use one of those, right?

You may have heard all of this before. If you have, maybe it'll help to hear it again. If it doesn't, then shoot me.

-SOMTL.