Saturday, November 04, 2006

In a box

Oftentimes I feel like the world is trying to box me in with a variety of things. Negative words, mean words.....I guess you could say words in general.

I'm just tired. My mother's a bitch. Sorry to say. Just because your asshole of a husband is sick doesn't mean you get to be bitchy to me. In fact you should be nicer to make it a little easier to ignore his bitch ass. Because I can't stand him really sometimes.

I'm just full of anger right now at a bunch of small shit. And the problem with that is that people keep shoving me into these fucking itty bitty boxes and so the anger is smothering me. I'm tired of hyperventilating until I pass out because I'm trying to hold my rage in so I don't break anything. That gets old. Quickly. Very quickly.

I'm still fat. Still unlovable. Still displeased.

I do believe it's time for some retail therapy, no?

I hung out with Alyssa and Joanie tonight and it was fun. The only fun of the day really. Thank God I quit Sonic. If I hadn't I would have quit now.

1 comment:

somtl. said...

You are not unloveable.

If you keep telling yourself that it'll only bring you down.

The mean words are things that are hard to avoid. Sometimes it helps to put them in writing.

for instance, if someone says to you (hypothetically, duh) er.. idk. if someone said 'You are a dumbfuck'
Get a pen and something to write on (you or a sheet of paper or on a special thing that you can keep and write on whenever.)
Morph that statement into something positive, or at the very least not negative.
'I am not a dumbfuck.'
and give yourself reasons (or dont.)

It may be helpful.

Blocking them out is not enough. You must learn to believe that the mean words are lies. And not give up on it.

I have a box. It is a wooden box shaped like a treasure chest. When I get a nasty comment, I write on it with a sharpie. It got full, though. So I started writing on sheets of paper and sticking them in there. I also put some things that are really meaningful to me in the box. and when im upset (for any reason) I pull it out sometimes and it helps me.

-you know who.