Saturday, March 17, 2007

Make the screams stop

You know, I've been walking this earth for seventeen years. I'm not sure I've learned and retained as much as I could have. Anxiety is a very shitty thing to have to deal with. So is mental anguish.

I feel disappointed right now. Disappointed that I still haven't proven myself after all of this time. I'm not sure I ever will. That's a big thing to just sit and look at. It's like a wall. It's defeat. To just admit that no matter what you do you're going to fail.

I just hate everything right now. Everything. It's frustrating. My feelings are hurt to say the least. I know this is very cryptic but maybe I'll come back and expand it later and fill in the missing pieces. Maybe not. Probably not. Because I know what I'm going through and that's eventually all that matters. Friends are pointless as I continue to learn over and over again.

Your Ex-lover Is Dead
God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across pont champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
[ Lyrics found on ]

I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...

Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

It's events like those of the past week that make me feel like I'm not worth anyone's trust, or anyone's love, or anyone's respect. They make me feel like I'm not worth anything.

1 comment:

Highly Feminine Jew boy said...

personal reflection means more when you share it with someone