Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Oh the possibilities

I hung out with Stephen yesterday. It was a lot of fun. It also raised some questions in my mind. More than I had when I went over there.

We talked a bit about the Andrew situation. If you don't already know, a while back him and I had talked about being roommates. Then both of us sort of backed off of it because he figured it'd be a while before he was able to move out of the barracks and that I should try to move out of my parents' house before that. Well he brought it up again recently but in a slightly different form. He may be getting custody of Erica soon and he of course needs a roommate. But not just for financial reasons. Like I'm sure I've also mentioned, he's going out on a 6 month cruise at the end of September. Guess who he wants taking care of Erica while he's gone? Yep, this little lady right here. Stephen says that he's trying to marry me. If you look at it, we're going to be doing the married person thing without having the actual committment. Which Steve says appeals to the two of us because neither of us are ready for it.

What if he's right? What if Andrew has feelings for me that are close to what I have for him and he just can't come out and say it? The concept that things with him could be as I want them to is mind-boggling. I mean it's Steve's theory adds more to the already bubbling cauldron of thoughts that's brewing in my head. I'm so worried about adding more pain to this little girl's life. She's already been through so so much. And I don't want to break her heart again. And I don't want my heart broken because instead of just losing the love of my life to another woman, I'm losing a daughter too. I'm just really worried about the situation. And I miss Andrew. We have to do some MAJOR talking when he gets back. Major. *le sigh*

What's your thoughts folks?

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