Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Some clarity and some concerns part deux

Ok so to sum up where I am now, I'll be concise. I'm terrified it's going to happen again and I'll have to go back to the hospital or stay overly long. I'm nervous of what that means. Missed work means less money around when someone needs my help. The look on Andrew's face while I tried to get ahold of my mom was broke my heart. It still hurts me to think about it. Because I haven't learned to speak up for myself, he had to be worried about me and whether or not he had anything to do with it. And I hate that. I want to just really talk to him about it and tell him how that whole thing made me feel, but I just want to be happy around him and for him. He's going on a trip soon that may or may not be easy for him. Either way I just want to do my best to contribute to his well being. And my daddy looked so sad and worried when I came home. I know he doesn't completely understand and that hurt me. My mom was exhausted and she works so hard as it is. In order for me to help everyone be where they want/need to be, I have to be working and learning in school and healthy so they don't have to worry. I can't guarentee I can make that happen and it makes my heart sick.

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