Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Worry expresses herself as an argument/Whoa Nelly I can be a bitch

Below is a conversation that I had with Nick. Whoa. All I can say is whoa. Well I can say more than that. I can always say more. I like to talk. I'm a headstrong person. I can't nor would I like to talk to walls. Or even interact with someone that's like a wall. Honestly it seems a bit off to be in an open relationship and bill yourself as available. But since I wasn't it's all good in my opinion. And if Andrew and I were still friends I'd most likely be pissed that I couldn't sleep over at my friend's house. I felt saved and happy in his arms. And I've had so little of that, that I'd pity the fool that tried to get me to give it up. Which might explain why there has been no relationship since I first met Andrew. But all that is going to change now so I guess it's a moot point.

I want/need some advice if you can slog through the im convo. Am I wrong to feel like he's TOO willing and understanding? Or am I seeing smoke where there is no fire? So you're making an informed decision I'm meeting with Andrew tomorrow to discuss how we got where we are now. I just want our friendship to have some closure. I set it up over the phone today. He sounded sad but he said he was sick. During the phone conversation he asked if I still wanted him at my graduation. That confuses me.

Opinions are appreciated.

6:56 PM
RiverGrad07:hey when you get back to the pc I'd like to talk to you
11:02 PM
killerfish13:hey! btw
RiverGrad07: hey
RiverGrad07: I wanted to talk to you
killerfish13:yes ma'am?
killerfish13:sorry, its a habit
RiverGrad07: it's ok
RiverGrad07: I haven't been as nice as I could have been to you lately.
killerfish13:i don't believe you
killerfish13:i think you've been wonderfully nice to me
RiverGrad07: really?
killerfish13:i'm honestly surprised u put up with my random crap-speak
RiverGrad07: hm
RiverGrad07: I just was thinking and I don't feel like I've been as nice as I could have been
RiverGrad07: I mean when I first met you we talked and junk and while I enjoyed our conversations
RiverGrad07: I don't think I was as authentic as I could have been
RiverGrad07: I don't know Nick
RiverGrad07: I was just contemplating things earlier
RiverGrad07: nevermind
RiverGrad07: How was your day?
killerfish13:i thought u were sincere/authentic
killerfish13:the way i see it
killerfish13:if u weren't really being authentic
killerfish13:and i like u as much as i do
killerfish13:then u can only be better
killerfish13:and i can only like u more
RiverGrad07: I can see your point
RiverGrad07: my thought is just that I spent a good chunk of time comparing you to Andrew and now I'm being nice and making it seem as if one day I'll be ready to have true friends again and I don't think that's ever going to come. Almost as if I'm leading you on.
RiverGrad07: Do you know what insanity is Nick?
killerfish13:it's when u don't know what ur doing is insane
killerfish13:ur not insane, because u acknowledge the possibility that u might be
killerfish13:insane people don't know theyre insane
RiverGrad07: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result
killerfish13:then everyone is insane, because they live their lives with the same thing happening almost everyday
RiverGrad07: exactly
killerfish13:it's that one change in ur life that's worth waiting for
killerfish13:ur never gonna find it if u stick to the mundance repetitions
RiverGrad07: that's true
RiverGrad07: life is complicated sometimes
killerfish13:life is complicated all the time
RiverGrad07: true
killerfish13:and everyone deals with it differently
RiverGrad07: going over my blog makes me think
RiverGrad07: i did some editing and some visual tweaks
killerfish13:what does it make u think of?
RiverGrad07: just life in general
killerfish13:i hope theyre good thoughts
RiverGrad07: I guess
RiverGrad07: you're more than welcome to read it if you like
killerfish13:is it on ur myspace?
RiverGrad07: no
RiverGrad07: although there are things there
RiverGrad07: I mainly post there when I'm in a passive agressive mood and I just want to get someone's attention without speaking to them directly
killerfish13:oh, right
killerfish13:where's ur other blog?
RiverGrad07: beware
killerfish13:what am i bewaring of?
RiverGrad07: I pull no punches on this blog
RiverGrad07: and I name names
killerfish13:am i in it?
RiverGrad07: yep
RiverGrad07: and there are labels
RiverGrad07: on the right hand side
RiverGrad07: when I write an entry, I can post labels about ti
RiverGrad07: it*
RiverGrad07: Nick Fish is your label
RiverGrad07: if you click on it you'll read all the entries about you
RiverGrad07: they're arranged by number though. So I'm not going to lie you're near the bottom. But it's simply because I just really met you
killerfish13:i see
killerfish13:it's cool
killerfish13:u can't see what i wrote
RiverGrad07: You wrote something on my blog
RiverGrad07: Or you wrote something in general
killerfish13:no, in the IM's
RiverGrad07: you should be able to
killerfish13:not on my screen
RiverGrad07: lemme look
RiverGrad07: I can see it on my screen
killerfish13:maybe im just lame and cant read it
killerfish13:i really like who you are
killerfish13:what i know of who you are
killerfish13:and if u werent being all u can be
killerfish13:then i certainly want to learn more of you
RiverGrad07: read the blog. You'll see more. And you won't like most of it. But it's all good.
killerfish13:which one am i reading?
RiverGrad07: what do you mean?
RiverGrad07: the blogger blog has all sorts of shit in there
RiverGrad07: i'm what some would call a walking disaster
killerfish13:you sound like fun to me
killerfish13:you're a great writer, from what i can see
RiverGrad07: I like to write so I should hope that I was somewhat good at it
killerfish13:u should write me a poem, if i draw u a house
RiverGrad07: I could write you a poem
RiverGrad07: but not just because you're drawing me a house
RiverGrad07: I didn't ask for the house. I appreciate it but I didn't ask for it.
killerfish13:i kno
killerfish13:still want a poem, tho
RiverGrad07: ok
killerfish13:only if u wanna write it
killerfish13:im drawin u the picture irregardless
killerfish13:u and me have something in common
RiverGrad07: what would I write it about?
RiverGrad07: what is that?
killerfish13:whatever u wish
killerfish13:and that we both need to learn to do things purely for OUR enjoyment again
killerfish13:according to ur blog
RiverGrad07: that's always been true of me
killerfish13:same here
killerfish13:and i think im finally learnin to do it
RiverGrad07: life is basically everlasting school
RiverGrad07: What are you reading?
killerfish13:goin thru the ones for may
RiverGrad07: may 2006 or may 2007?
killerfish13:it was 06
killerfish13:lol whoops
RiverGrad07: it's cool
killerfish13:u enjoy sausages
RiverGrad07: hells yes bitch
RiverGrad07: they are so good
RiverGrad07: so so so good
killerfish13:lol im glad we agree
killerfish13:i've noticed that i seem to "fall" for black women that seem think they fuck up alot
killerfish13:when in reality
killerfish13:in front of my eyes, they dont
killerfish13:are you bi?
killerfish13:(random question, yes. necessary, yes)
RiverGrad07: it depends on the amount of liquor I've had and what mood i'm in
RiverGrad07: i'm occassionally sexually bi
RiverGrad07: never ever relationship bi
killerfish13:well hot damn
killerfish13:i see a trend
RiverGrad07: everyone has a pattern
RiverGrad07: humans are pattern
RiverGrad07: patterns*
RiverGrad07: mine is semi-alcoholic, smokin, loud-mouthed white boy of Irish decent
RiverGrad07: they tend to be in the service
RiverGrad07: exactly like my daddy except for the white part
killerfish13:that's disheartening
RiverGrad07: why so?
killerfish13:cuz i only fit one of those types
RiverGrad07: i could be changing
RiverGrad07: or it could not matter since i don't plan to get close to anyone ever again
killerfish13:(an awful plan, in my humble opinion)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
killerfish13:but it's just nice to fit the profile
RiverGrad07: yes it is your opinion
killerfish13:being a skinny white male, i dont fit many black women's perfect guy profile
RiverGrad07: the jury's out on the humble bit
RiverGrad07: i like my men lean
RiverGrad07: i guess
RiverGrad07: i have enough fat for a few people
killerfish13:i dont believe you
killerfish13:but we won't get into that right now
RiverGrad07: you don't have to
killerfish13:ultimately, if ur in my life, i want you to be happy
killerfish13:and i will try my damnest to make that happen, any way i can
RiverGrad07: go for it
killerfish13:are u happy?
RiverGrad07: right now at this moment
killerfish13:why is u happy?
RiverGrad07: i had some frozen white grapes
RiverGrad07: and I adore white grapes
killerfish13:id like some grapes
killerfish13:do u wish to share?
RiverGrad07: but I obsess over them when they are frozen
RiverGrad07: no
RiverGrad07: i skipped that day in kindergarten
killerfish13::( :( :(
RiverGrad07: dude they're like 1.93 at the store
RiverGrad07: they're expensive as shit
killerfish13:thats retarded
killerfish13:why would grapes be that expensive?
RiverGrad07: you work at a grocery store
RiverGrad07: you don't notice shit like that?
killerfish13:i just bag the shit and get carts
RiverGrad07: when you start ringing shit up you'll see
killerfish13:ive noticed there is alot of expensive shit that shouldnt be expensive
RiverGrad07: farm fresh is a gourmet supermarket chain
killerfish13:those bastards
RiverGrad07: well they have to charge higher
RiverGrad07: they have more premium products
RiverGrad07: only grade a eggs
RiverGrad07: 5% of the beef soldis certified angus and the rest is certified prime choice
RiverGrad07: smithfield pork
RiverGrad07: boar's head meat and cheese in the deli
RiverGrad07: you know if you want to sell boar's head you have to call them up and they have to approve you to sell their shit?
killerfish13:jigga what?
RiverGrad07: it's all in the training video you see when you go to cashier training
RiverGrad07: the point though is that they sell top of the line items in most areas of the store
RiverGrad07: and if you're here from Austrailia and there's a type of jam you like you can't find here in US markets, you can go to Farm Fresh and request it and they'll hunt it down and bring it to the store
killerfish13:are u forserious?
RiverGrad07: all you have to pay it what you'd pay for it back home (in US dollars of course)
RiverGrad07: yes
RiverGrad07: that costs money Nick
killerfish13:thats crazy that they do that
RiverGrad07: it's how they keep customers
killerfish13:this is true
killerfish13:i notice the crab legs are like 20 dollars
RiverGrad07: that's just crabs in general babydoll
killerfish13:i like that
killerfish13:i feel speial!
RiverGrad07: I'm savvy. I dress punk/boho/grunge.....
RiverGrad07: but I also have a southern side
RiverGrad07: it shows itself in my caring nature and my speech
RiverGrad07: dialect and verbiage
killerfish13:i like it
RiverGrad07: You realize I use that like all the time right?
RiverGrad07: I called my mom sugarpie earlier today
killerfish13:uve never used it with me before
RiverGrad07: really?
RiverGrad07: that's odd
RiverGrad07: well ok then
killerfish13:well, i got class at 9 tomorrow
RiverGrad07: cool
RiverGrad07: how much of my blog did you read over? Just wondering
killerfish13:umm...down to may 2nd
RiverGrad07: interesting
RiverGrad07: well the whole HIM label is Andrew. As you can see I write about him a lot. (The labels are listed greatest to smallest)
RiverGrad07: I figured I'd say something now
RiverGrad07: guys are funny (stupid) really about guys that came before them
killerfish13:thats very true
killerfish13:i kno i can be
killerfish13:but im workin on it
RiverGrad07: the past is the past
killerfish13:and im not gonna let it bother me too much
RiverGrad07: if she's with you then obviously the bitch before you fell short SOMEWHERE. That or he died tragically in which case you're sorta screwed unless it's been like a year.
RiverGrad07: then again I'm not with you so in this instance I could see how some jealousy is warranted. besides it's an ego boost.
RiverGrad07: babydoll be jealous
RiverGrad07: but do it in your sleep since you have class
RiverGrad07: (btw who the FUCK PLANS class at 9am?...dumbass)
RiverGrad07: Night Nick
killerfish13:its the only one they had
RiverGrad07: two words
RiverGrad07: next
RiverGrad07: semester
killerfish13:one word
killerfish13:im already graduating late
RiverGrad07: online is another word you might wanna pick up
killerfish13:im not disciplined enough to do those
killerfish13:and ill only get jealous if im able to get an ego boost in return
RiverGrad07: looks like you're ass out then
killerfish13:im doin fine with it, tho
killerfish13:or so i think
RiverGrad07: the ego boost comes from the fact that I'm a potential dime piece
RiverGrad07: the kicker comes from the fact a wannabe redneck Northern gutter rat with two kids fucked shit up for you.
RiverGrad07: Don't you have a class or something tomorrow?
killerfish13:yea, and theres no need to be gettin angry at anyone
killerfish13:im just tryin to make things equal
RiverGrad07: equal?
killerfish13:goodnight and sweet dreams, Joy
RiverGrad07: oh you're going to bounce after that cryptic junk? nice.
killerfish13:why should i go through the painful feelings of jealousy when im getting not much in return?
RiverGrad07: good poiny
RiverGrad07: point*
RiverGrad07: I don't know. I'm not really in much of a position to think about well-being that isn't attached to me.
killerfish13:neither am i, which is why i said it
RiverGrad07: touche babydoll touche
RiverGrad07: the sugar is finally melting off of your words
RiverGrad07: 'bout damn time
killerfish13:im not angry or upset about this
RiverGrad07: nobody is
RiverGrad07: life is too short to be angry
killerfish13:then where' all this coming from?
RiverGrad07: you're always so NICE. and SWEET. and UNDERSTANDING. Nobody is like that.
RiverGrad07: At least not to the extent you've been towards me.
killerfish13:i am until i get unjust treatment
RiverGrad07: I figured you had a breaking point where'd you'd stop blowin' smoke up my ass.
RiverGrad07: Just had to find it. And now I have.
killerfish13:and u'd rather have that me than the nice me?
RiverGrad07: I'd rather be told the truth
RiverGrad07: honesty is the best policy
killerfish13:both of them are the truth
RiverGrad07: unless you're in front of the cops
killerfish13:i have no reason to lie to you
killerfish13:or act any way that im not
RiverGrad07: Don't always tell me what I want to hear.
RiverGrad07: Just because I'm depressed enough to warrant hospitalization doesn't mean I want smoke up my ass
killerfish13:i tell you what u want to hear becuase thats what makes you happy
killerfish13:you have to deal with the realism yourself
killerfish13:why should i repeat what you already know, and make you feel worse?
RiverGrad07: Because it's the truth.
RiverGrad07: And in the end it's all that matters.
killerfish13:then i dont need to say anything, then, because we've all got our own truth's and realities covered
killerfish13:no one else can do it for us
killerfish13:im a nice guy, bottom line
RiverGrad07: there's a difference between being sympathetic and being false
killerfish13:and no one was being false
killerfish13:u dont know me that well, so u dont know how real im being and how fake im being
RiverGrad07: Nick when you answered my ad what went through your head?
killerfish13:something along the lines of: here's a sensible girl that might have things in common with me. and doesnt smoke or drink that much, apparently. plus she likes guys like me, apparently. lets see what she's like
RiverGrad07: ok so you were looking to get to know and get close to an available girl who you seemed to match with pretty well
RiverGrad07: if i'm wrong holler now
killerfish13:ur right
killerfish13:im here
RiverGrad07: Until a week from this past weekend, I spent about 70% of my time with Andrew at his place
killerfish13:i am the uniter
i am the divider
i am everyones nothing
i am no ones everything
i am darkness
i am light
i am eternal
i am never
RiverGrad07: If I was sleepy, I slept over there. I'd occassionally drink over there which means I slept over there
RiverGrad07: in his twin bed with him in it
RiverGrad07: we'd go out to eat, to the movies
RiverGrad07: i was with him when you called and we were prom shopping for me
RiverGrad07: i did laundry over there, i wear his clothes when i fuck up mine. or when I underdress which i did a LOT this spring...the weather was a bitch.
RiverGrad07: but the point is we both had in our heads that we were friends but as far as everyone was concerned we were dating. which is understandable considering we're sharing a bed, clothes, food, money, sometimes the shower if we felt like it and having sex.
RiverGrad07: to know all that would piss some guys off
RiverGrad07: and you're just like eh
RiverGrad07: which means you either have NO respect for yourself or you're bothered but aren't going to say shit.
RiverGrad07: which is fake
killerfish13:a couple things
killerfish13:first, if u were so involved, u shouldnt have put out something saying u were available, knowing the effect it might have on guys
killerfish13:second, i didnt KNOW you were doing all that stuff
killerfish13:if i did, i would have backed off and let u have at him
RiverGrad07: Nick 90% of the time when you'd call I was with him. Did you not hear the jets overhead?
killerfish13:and no, my self-respect is not the highest in the world
RiverGrad07: And I was and am available. Cause we were just friends
killerfish13:ok, so there were jets
RiverGrad07: I haven't been in a relationship in almost two years.
killerfish13:nothing went off in my head, "oh, thats andrew"
killerfish13:u basially are in one
killerfish13:a relationship like that is more than just friends
killerfish13:fuck the classifications
RiverGrad07: if i'm looking to date other people and he's trying to date other people then what do you call it
killerfish13:a non-exclusive relationship
RiverGrad07: when he was involved with someone we didn't have sex
RiverGrad07: and that was all that changed
RiverGrad07: we were still best friends
killerfish13:that did EVERYTHING together
killerfish13:how can u be with someone else when 90%of ur time is spent with him?
RiverGrad07: i hung out with my best friend because i had no relationship to be in
killerfish13:yet u would have dropped that 90% to be with someone else?
RiverGrad07: i can relax and do homework and watch tv over there with him and the other guys easier than i can at home
RiverGrad07: i still would have chilled with my friend as much as i could he's getting ready to go out for 8 months. But I would have spent more time with my boyfriend
killerfish13:my question is: if u can do all that with him, what do u need to be in a relationship for?
killerfish13:u have everything u need right there
RiverGrad07: there's no intimacy
killerfish13:as far as i can see
RiverGrad07: there's half assed trust
RiverGrad07: well was
RiverGrad07: he was nowhere near as open with me as I was with him
RiverGrad07: i let it slide because i know he has this thing about making his friends happy and not stressing them but i still killed me
RiverGrad07: slowly. That was a large part of why we were friends.
killerfish13:either way, my ultimate point is, i didnt know u were so involved with andy. i didnt know u, so i wasnt going to be mean or anything to you when i was trying to GET to know you. and it really doesn't matter, because now ur not ready to open up to anybody
killerfish13:why shouldnt i be like, eh?
killerfish13:if i have no chance anyways
killerfish13:im trying to be ur friend, cuz i hate to see people upset
RiverGrad07: being extra nice when you're getting to know someone does no good
RiverGrad07: because you don't truly know someone
killerfish13:i wasnt being EXTRA nice, i was being my nice side
killerfish13:believe it or not, everything i was to you is how i truly am
killerfish13:or truly can be, i should say
RiverGrad07: I do believe I'm picking a fight with you.
RiverGrad07: Nick, no one is nice all the time. It scares me, because the other shoe is sure to drop.
killerfish13:yes, it is
RiverGrad07: And if you let your guard down and you aren't prepared it's bad.
killerfish13:when its appropriate
killerfish13:there was no time that i talked to you that the bad side needed to show up
RiverGrad07: You act like you like everything about and that's weird to me Nick. You have to dislike something.
killerfish13:i am the uniter
i am the divider
i am everyones nothing
i am no ones everything
i am darkness
i am light
i am eternal
i am never
killerfish13:i dislike how honest u are sometimes, but i look past it
killerfish13:if i focus on the bad, then the good gets put behind it
RiverGrad07: but you've never said I was too blunt for you.
RiverGrad07: never
killerfish13:because i deal with it
killerfish13:its not that big of a deal to me
killerfish13:ur blunt
killerfish13:thats u
killerfish13:i cant change it, so why should i try?
RiverGrad07: it's one thing to deal with something and it's another thing to never bring it up.
RiverGrad07: for example, I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. And Drew smokes. When he's stressed he smokes like a chimney. He's been stressed the closer he gets to his deployment cause it's his first big one. I knew I couldn't change it, but I made it known it bothered me. And he made sure not to smoke in my car or near my car. Or near me for that matter.
RiverGrad07: I tried not to harp on it or give him grief
RiverGrad07: that's dealing with it
RiverGrad07: I sure as fuck didn't sit there and choke on cigarette smoke
killerfish13:thats not a part of his personaloty, tho
RiverGrad07: trust me it is
killerfish13:and thats a detriment to ur health
killerfish13:u being blunt isnt
RiverGrad07: ok Nick.
killerfish13:i dont care about winning or losing this arguement
killerfish13:i just want you to understand my side
RiverGrad07: to just sit and suffer with something is disturbing
killerfish13:i live at my house
RiverGrad07: even if you can't change it you should still make it known
killerfish13:im used to it
killerfish13:i hate my mom's nazi, controlling nature
killerfish13:but if i make it known, it will only get worse
killerfish13:i dont think that would happen with the bluntness
killerfish13:but ive learned to deal with things
killerfish13:some small stuff, like bluntness, really doesnt matter all that much to me
RiverGrad07: So how the hell am I supposed to function if I never know when I fuck up?
killerfish13:i didnt say u'd never know
killerfish13:like i did say, it hadnt come up as a problem yet
killerfish13:why should i cause problems if there are none there?
killerfish13:it just complicates thing
RiverGrad07: because it's human Nick.
killerfish13:apparently its not
RiverGrad07: If something bothers you, even something small
RiverGrad07: it's your right to bring it up
RiverGrad07: if it's small you don't have the right to hold onto it
RiverGrad07: but you do have the right to at least address it
killerfish13:if it matters that much to me
killerfish13:i think its funny that ur making more of a big deal out of it than i am, but im the one who dislikes it
killerfish13:ironic, no?
RiverGrad07: Because I like to know when I mess up and it's small.
RiverGrad07: Because if I don't, it won't change, it'll just get worse and next thing I know someone else is hitting me again.
RiverGrad07: I like to prevent shit like that, I bruise easily.
killerfish13:something u need to do, to work on, is to stop thinking of me like someone in ur past
killerfish13:im not them
killerfish13:i never will be them
killerfish13:im not going to hit you
killerfish13:im not going to yell at you
killerfish13:because i dont yell
killerfish13:if i see an unfixable problem, i leave
RiverGrad07: I find it hard to trust the person that doesn't show their anger.
killerfish13:showing my anger only causes more unnecessary problems
killerfish13:when the same thing can be solved without yelling and screaming, and with simple talking
killerfish13:its a complete waste of energy, if you ask me
RiverGrad07: there are lots of things that are wastes of energy: math classes when you're never going to do more than take a stab at balancing a checkbook until you have someone do it for you
killerfish13:i am the uniter
i am the divider
i am everyones nothing
i am no ones everything
i am darkness
i am light
i am eternal
i am never
RiverGrad07: taxes are a waste of energy
RiverGrad07: mowing the lawn when little kids are begging to do it for like 5 or 10 bucks
RiverGrad07: but all those things still happen.
killerfish13:but fighting over something trivial doesnt have to happen
killerfish13:the taxes need to be done
killerfish13:the grass needs to be mowed
killerfish13:the discussion needs to be had
killerfish13:either way, all of them have to get done
killerfish13:i just choose the easier way
RiverGrad07: see that's what I'm saying
RiverGrad07: Just because you're willing to let something go doesn't mean it doesn't need to be discussed
killerfish13:unless it is of little to no consequence
killerfish13:as was this
killerfish13:im not saying dont address it
killerfish13:im saying address it when it matters
killerfish13:it didnt anger me at all
killerfish13:not much does
killerfish13:it just irked me a little
RiverGrad07: so the bluntness didn't bother you. That's your story and I'll let it go. Even though when we talk on the phone I can hear you pause when I've crossed a line
killerfish13:i pause when im thinking of things to say
RiverGrad07: Are you going to say my being friends with Andrew didn't bother you?
killerfish13:yes, i am
killerfish13:because it didnt
killerfish13:who am i to tell you who you cant be friends with
killerfish13:im not ur father
killerfish13:im not your boyfriend
killerfish13:and you knew him before me
RiverGrad07: that's very true. Just to speak hypothetically, because I doubt it'll happen, but if we were to repair our friendship and get back to what was normal for us, would it bother you?
killerfish13:why would it?
killerfish13:im not involved with u and him at all
killerfish13:acording to you, u and me arent really gonna get beyond friends, so its really of no real consequence to our prospective friendship
RiverGrad07: The world is like the seashore; constantly changing
killerfish13:that it is
RiverGrad07: you can go to the beach today and then go tomorrow and see a different shore
killerfish13:if the fact did change, and we were to get together
killerfish13:yes, it would bother me
RiverGrad07: because the individual grains of sand change
killerfish13:but i wouldnt get toether with u til the stuff with andrew stopped
killerfish13:he came first
RiverGrad07: so if i find it in me to be more trusting; I couldn't fix the friendship I had with Drew?
killerfish13:no,im not saying that
killerfish13:its kind of an either/or thing with me
killerfish13:if we're going to date, i would expect certain aspects of ur friendship with Drew would subside
killerfish13:*we were
killerfish13:but i have no right to ask u to stop being best friends with Drew
RiverGrad07: i'm not an idiot i know i couldn't keep sleeping with him if I were in a relationship.
killerfish13:didnt say u were
RiverGrad07: but if we were going to date and him and i were still friends could we still have movie nights or go to the gym or any of the various other things we did?
killerfish13:of course
killerfish13:i cant keep u from doing those things
killerfish13:and im not gonna fool myself into thinking that i can control you
RiverGrad07: if I'd made the nature of Andrew and I's friendship clearer before him and I fought, when I was in more relationship-friendly emotional state, would it have affected you?
killerfish13:i am the uniter
i am the divider
i am everyones nothing
i am no ones everything
i am darkness
i am light
i am eternal
i am never
killerfish13:i think the sleeping together part, yea of course, but otherwise, not really
killerfish13:i know ur testing me with the questions
killerfish13:though i dont know why ur asking them
killerfish13:i am gonna go real soon tho, seeing as i have to wake up in like 5 hours
RiverGrad07:That's cool. I was getting ready to say that earlier.
killerfish13:i am the uniter
i am the divider
i am everyones nothing
i am no ones everything
i am darkness
i am light
i am eternal
i am never
RiverGrad07: I don't test people it's childish.
killerfish13:sorry for assuming, then
RiverGrad07: I just have a problem with people concealing things
RiverGrad07: I need people to be upfront with me
killerfish13:i am, most of the time
killerfish13:just small stuff, i deal with
killerfish13:if it got to be a problem, i would have brought it up
killerfish13:and i still will
killerfish13:along with any other problems that i have
RiverGrad07: That's fine. You just seemed really fake Nick. No offense
killerfish13:i can understand why u would think that, so none taken
killerfish13:but i promise, i wasnt
killerfish13:all, 100% Nick
killerfish13:whether thats a good or bad thing, i dunno
killerfish13:but, that is me
killerfish13:but im gonna go to ze bed
RiverGrad07: later
killerfish13:goodnight and sweet dreams
killerfish13:hope u have a good day tomorrow/today
RiverGrad07: same to you
killerfish13:asleep. art class, sucka!

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