Monday, January 01, 2007

My daddy

A big part of life is doing things you don't really want to. Sometimes you actually HAVE to compromise your beliefs for the greater good. Or at least the good of someone else. Sometimes you have to step outside yourself.

My dad doesn't really do what he's supposed to in terms of his health. He still smokes as much as he used to, if not more. He drinks quite a bit and he hasn't be eating like he should. Which is doubly bad because of his diabetes. I think he's figured if he's destined to die he might as well be happy. I don't blame him for it. I wished he wanted to stick around a little bit more than it seems he does, but I don't resent him for wanting to live his life the way he chooses to. I think the best thing I can do as his daughter is afford him the respect he deserves as my dad. What does being disappointed or disapproving of his choices do for me or him but make me miserable? I'd rather not tarnish the time left with him. We have fun in our own way together. When I drive him places sometimes he tells me where we're going sometimes he'll just point. I won't know where we're going until I get there. It's...interesting. We laugh at various things we see. (We see a lot of funny stuff when we go out.) Yesterday we went to Office Depot, the ATM, and 7-11. Got some computer software and then we got some beer, some soda, some cigarettes and a lotto ticket. It took about 30 minutes. We saw stuff that made us laugh and then we went home. It was simple and peaceful. And years and years down the road, outings like that are what I want to remember about my dad. Not the screaming and the yelling.

I love my dad. Like it or not, I love him. I don't much like him, but I love him. And if all he wants is respect, then dispite his outrageous behavior, I'm going to try to give it to him.

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