Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Letter to a True Friend

Here's a copy of a letter that I wrote to a friend in Florida.


Hope you're doing well in Florida. I hate to be a bummer and bring ya down, but I'm struggling so hard. I was supposed to go hang out with Drew on Sunday. I was already kind of tense about it because I called to see when we could hang out on Thursday and he didn't really get back to me until Saturday saying we could hang out Sunday. I get ready to leave my house and it's one thing after another with him. I end up driving out to Oceana and he's getting ready to leave to go chill with someone else when I get there. And it's like he doesn't even get why I'm mad. My personal time comes last on the list of the family. If my mother or brother wants to do something, I can't do what I want. So I have to plan ahead or really juggle to get free time on short notice. And he just doesn't care. My dad is smoking again, one of the things that attributed to his stroke and there's nothing I can really do about it. If it's not summer school, it's my family, or work because people there can't do anything right and/or on time. And I just want to hang out with my friend and destress and relax and he just adds to it whenever I try for three days to get time to hang out with him and he just blows me off. I'm so tired all of the time and I'm just so incredibly stressed. I just sit and cry about maybe 60% of the time I'm by myself. I don't get it. I try my hardest to be an understanding friend and just a good person in general and I can't seem to catch a break with anything. I sat in my car today and cried for 20 minutes. I wanted to get drunk and cut my wrists SO bad, but too many people count on me for me to afford myself that luxury. It's like everyone wants something from me, but no one wants to give and that just makes me wonder where I fucked up so bad to the point where no one can help me.

Sorry if this has been depressing but I just needed to get it out.

So that's the jist of what I was talking about in my other post. Yeah.

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