Realizations

I love to speed. My recent depression had revealed that to me. Could it kill me yes, but at least I'll have fun before I go.

The golden rule is as follows: Treat others as you wish to be treated. I apply it in most situations and it doesn't always get applied to me. The thought that I got was, why should I apply it to people that are fake with me and stab me in the back? I shouldn't and I won't any more. I can be just as fake as other people without feeling any guilt. Because inside I think I'm a decent person.

Stopped by Bally's on the way to work yesterday. I'm no longer going to be the fat friend people take advantage of. The fat girl people lie to and tell she's pretty because they know she's longing to be loved. The fat friend people know they can ask for anything because she's desperate for friendship.

No longer.
Never again.

A good friend of mine got the awesomest oppourtunity. He's been offered a chance to move to New York. I'm envious naturally because I mean come on it's motherfuckin' New York. It's the shit really. But I'm not envious in a way that I hope he doesn't go. I do hope he takes this chance. Not because I don't like him and want him to move away but because he's cool people and I don't want him to be stuck waiting. This situation has made me do a lot of thinking naturally. I'm not applying to any in-state colleges. Because I need to get away. I don't want to be stuck waiting on certain people to treat me right because it's never going to happen. I'm tired of waiting and I won't anymore.

I babysat last night, which is where the driving reference comes from that started this blog. I had to work last night at Sonic though, so I gave Kat Holly's number. Even though it's HIGHLY debateable if she makes the greatest friend, she's good with kids and I know that. Tay and Ri liked her. But just talking about it over the phone with Kat made me want to see the kids and I know they could use all the extra love and hugs and good things they could get since their dad's away, so I stopped by after work. Which sorta worked out cause Holly had to go home before she got back. The kids came to greet me in the driveway, that was nice. Made me feel good. Which I could always use. I'm going over there for a cookout and then work. So I'm doing things today because sleeping and Sonic. Which is good cause I'm starting to resent work at Sonic. So if anyone knows of any good job oppourtunites, keep me posted because yes the money's good and I have fun, but that's starting to be outweighed by the fucked up scheduling and just the rudeness.

That' s it for now. I'm off on my way.