Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Just some stuff

So I'm miserable and in pain. I cried a lot yesterday and slept a lot. Today I just slept most of the day. I'd run an errand and then sleep. That was my afternoon. I'd kill to be able to slash my wrists and just sit in one spot and bleed. I'd also like to be able to just drink until I can't see straight. As it is, I drank a small bit today and I feel a small portion better. Not by much though.

I thought having a license would mean that I'd hang out more with my friends, but I just spend more time alone. And it's worse because now there's no "I don't have any gas" excuse. It's just plain old "I don't want to spend time around you".

My panic attacks are back and they're making up for lost time. Last night, well more like this morning since it was one am, it scared me so bad that I ended up calling Devin. Which is bad since I really don't want him in my life anymore.

I'm sick of fighting with my "friend" and I'm tired of coming last with the family. I'm just plain tired. And the physical pain I'm dealing with is excruciating. And it has been for the past few months, but I have no time to go to the doctor. So there's really no end in sight for all of that.

But I have homework and Steve's over so I'm just going to try to relax.

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